Their Own Silk Stalking
by Athena13
Summary: Post Noir. Tom asked where they went from there...
1. Note

**Their Own Silk Stalking**

by: Athena13

**Summary:** Salvaging Noir. The fall-out from Tom's mania of the last episode(s) of the series. Taking Tom's actions and his words to heart Cassy decides that it's past due for the divorced couple to be out of each other's lives. Tom has some feelings of his own to sort out and a career to save. After years of stubbornness and pride, fate decides to lend a hand.

**Author's Notes:** The story pre-supposes knowledge of the events of the last two-part episode of Silk Stalkings -_Noir_. I for one was extremely disappointed and disgusted by these episodes and this story has been festering below the surface all these months and is now just pouring out. Not much editing has been done yet, so feel free to send along corrections and suggestions! My mantra is that this episode needs to be saved! It was an insulting bit of tripe that ignored the years of character development and the mood of the show. The only saving grace was that Janet Gunn got to direct the last part and act her heart out! It was nice to see emotion between those two.

As a reminder, here is a synopsis (and review) of _Noir_:

Tom announces his engagement to Virginia ("Hair Girl"), a woman we never heard of or saw before and whom he has apparently been dating for three months. He takes Cassy out for a fancy lunch to tell her about his engagement and it becomes obvious before he begins that it won't be as easy and painless as he assumed. Though not surprised, Cassy seems a bit shell shocked by the news and Tom is uncomfortable. Not much attention is paid to this emotionally pivotal scene and we quickly are brushed off for more Hair-Girl.

While out shopping with Hair-Girl, Tom sees a man with a gun leave a store and follows him up to the roof where he shoots the man. The police don't find a gun and he's accused by the investigating officers (one of whom is the partner of a cop that Cassy and Tom sent to prison for killing his wife - Burmeister) accuse him of trying to act macho for his Hair Girl leaves him claiming she's horrified he could kill someone (ha ha).

Suspended and under investigation by the police and Internal Affairs, Tom runs off and investigates his own case, eschewing help from his friends. Along the way he finds out some suspicious things about his now-ex Hair-Girl, including the fact that the man he killed was her husband. Tom skips town to follow his leads. He leaves a credit card trail, drinks a lot, gets into brawls and sleeps with his conniving ex knowing that she is a con woman.

Cassy is meanwhile put on leave and ordered to stay away from Tom's case, orders she promptly ignores and which, ultimately, Harry himself disobeys. Both make some pertinent discoveries, including evidence showing that Tom was set up by Hair-Girl. Cassy, meanwhile, follows Tom and warns him IA is on the way (out of their jurisdiction!) to arrest him and that he should run (how out of character for our rule following Cassandra). Rather than being grateful, he accuses her of being a spy, that marrying her was his biggest mistake (not Hair-Girl!) AND that he never loved her, even as he defends his continuing obsession with the traitorous Hair-Girl and his twisted desire to "save" her. As we would expect, these words devastate Cassy emotionally and physically and we finally see her cry. Tom, suddenly repentant, tries to take it back but she doesn't let him off the hook so easily. Still, despite this heart wrenching scene we are cheated again and the emotional impact of the scene is cut short so we can see Tom sleep with Hair-Girl again.

BUT, Tom leaves the bed of the 1973 Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader-Playboy-bunny wannabe to think about how nasty and cruel he was to Cassy and decides to risk his freedom to make it up to her. His thinking is still screwed up, however, he wants Hair-Girl to tell Cassy he was sorry if he doesn't make it as he plans to sacrifice himself for we are not sure what cause!

In the end, Hair-Girl betrays Tom a couple of more times and ends up dead by her own stupidity and with Tom at the wheel (whom she had just shot, duh). Tom tapes a confession in Harry's office as he binds his wound. Cassy shows up. She has heard most of his confession, but is unimpressed by his claims that he didn't mean what he said.

As he's being led away Tom asks Cassy where do "they" go from there. Cassy dispassionately says she doesn't know.

©1999 Athena13

Disclaimer: This is a fiction story based on the series Silk Stalkings and its characters created and owned by Stephen J. Cannell and USA Networks. This story is not being sold for profit and no infringement of any copyright rights are intended. All unrecognized characters and plot lines are mine and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental


	2. Chapter 1

**Their Own Silk Stalking**  
by Athena13

**Chapter 1**

Cassy watched dispassionately as Tom's fingers convulsed when the handcuffs were closed around his wrists. She could just see the side of his face in profile and yet even across the darkened squad room she could see the minute signs of Tom's surprise and distress at the sensation of being on the other side of an arrest. Still, despite this almost instinctive sense of his feelings she felt nothing. No sympathy, no shame or sadness. She couldn't even muster up any satisfaction despite the damaging cut he had delivered hours before.

"He'll be arraigned in a few hours," one of the officers present informed her of her partner's short-term fate..

Sergeant Cassandra St. John looked over to the shaded windows and realized that the sun had already risen. Absently she wondered why she didn't even feel tired either.

"Alexander wants a copy of the tape," Harry, referring to the District Attorney, informed his still-suspended detective. "Do you know what's on it?"

"Tom's version of a confession, I guess." Cassy shrugged carelessly not bothering to pretend to meet her Captain's eyes.

"St. John?" Harry said impatiently. His fugitive detective had left a confession and a trail of blood in his office, he needed a little more help than guesses in order to hold off the D.A.

"I don't know Harry, I only heard the end. He said to look for a body..." Cassy broke off abruptly. Even though she was dead she couldn't bear to even utter that woman's name.

"Let's listen to the tape," Harry said as he stalked into his office, waving away the uniforms who were still obviously debating whether to tape off the room as a crime scene.

Cassy didn't move to follow. She had no desire to hear Tom's confessional. She had already heard enough and it would just be more meaningless words to color the final breakdown of Thomas Ryan. Finally after years of waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her it had happened. Cassy was too numb from the pain to even wonder whether it was his true feelings or whether they had managed, finally, to destroy the feelings that had brought them together in the first place.

"St. John!" Captain Harry Lipshitz's voice thundered out from his office.

Cassy obediently turned towards his office in response, but something made her hesitate. 'I'm suspended, he's not my boss!' she thought angrily, seizing upon the rationale to justify her course of action. Without a word she turned the other way and walked out of the bullpen and out of the building. She had never seen a more beautiful sunrise.

>>>>>>>

Captain Harry Lipshitz sat on the hard bench of the Palm Beach criminal court waiting for the clerk to call the docket. For the first time since his youth Harry had a sinking feeling in his stomach being there. Yes there were times he had been there to watch his officers be arraigned or even sentenced, but none of them were Thomas Ryan - a young man he and Frannie considered a son. He was there to vouch for his officer and friend in the hopes that bail would be granted while the District Attorney and Internal Affairs figured out just what Tom could be charged for.

Despite the taped "confession" and the endless interviews, no one was quite sure just what Tom had done wrong besides leaving town during a pending I.A. investigation into a crime for which it was now apparent he had been set up to commit. A few people were dead, but the extent of Tom's fault in those deaths had not been established. And Tom's acceptance of responsibility and blame was, Harry suspected, more from a sense of guilt than actual fault.

Still, Tom had left town and that would be a key argument the assistant district attorney would argue in urging the judge to deny bail.

Tom's hearing was due next and Harry was actually relieved that Cassy hadn't shown up. After listening to Tom's confessional, which Harry thought was more of a love letter to his absent partner, and speaking briefly with Tom in the jail Harry figured that her presence would be more of a distraction for Tom than a help. Though Harry did wish he knew where the woman had disappeared to. If she didn't show up by the end of the day he just might put an APB out for her.

Harry's musings were jarred by the sight of the District Attorney Craig Alexander himself entering the courtroom. Harry's jaw tightened. 'That son of a bitch is here to personally put Tom down!' Harry was enraged. How many times had Tom and Cassy's investigative work saved Alexander's butt or made him look good? Maybe it was time for Harry to retire. Losing Chris and Rita had been bad, but he still had Cassy and Tom and the work. Now there wasn't much left. He could always take up golf while Frannie was out doing her thing.

"The court calls the case of State versus Thomas Ryan," the clerk called from the box beside the Judge's bench.

Tears filled Harry's eyes as a shackled and disheveled Tom Ryan was led into the courtroom like a common criminal. Blinking quickly behind his glasses, Harry pushed aside his personal feelings and sat up straighter. A reassuring smile was firmly in place when Tom turned and saw him. Harry saw Tom's eyes scanning the courtroom and knew he was looking for Cassy.

Harry drummed his fingers impatiently as the charges were read to the judge. Judge Jacob Fein was a fair judge and one that Tom and Cassy had often appeared before, Harry hoped that the familiarity would work in Tom's favor.

"Your honor," Alexander stood up and began the State's argument. "We recognize the exemplary, until now, record of Sergeant Ryan and despite his flight from Palm Beach during the Internal Affair investigation the State would be willing to agree to release under supervision."

Harry canceled all of the bad thoughts he'd ever had about Craig, in the past month.

"Does the State have anyone in mind for such supervision?"Judge Fein asked.

"The State would be willing to release Sergeant Ryan to the care of his superior officer Captain Lipshitz," Alexander responded.

"Harry." Jake turned to his old friend. "Are you willing to accept responsibility for your detective and vouch for his remaining in the jurisdiction and making any required court appearances?"

"Yes, Sir," Harry had stood up and walked towards the bench.

"Fine, have Sergeant Ryan check in daily with the Probation Department." Judge Fein banged his gavel and granted the State's offer.

Harry turned towards the District Attorney and shook his hand. "Thank you Craig," Harry said appreciatively.

"Just make sure you stick around this time," Alexander said threateningly to Tom Ryan before turning and leaving the court room.

"I'll take him," Harry told the court officer.

The Deputy wasn't inclined to remind the Captain about any pending paperwork and with a nod from the Clerk shrugged and walked away to take care of more dangerous prisoners.

"Thank you, Harry," Tom spoke for the first time.

Harry nodded and began to lead Tom from the court room. As they walked he pulled a cellular phone from his pocket. "Frannie, Tom's coming home to us," Harry informed his relieved wife. Next to him Tom sighed. "What?" Harry asked after he ended the call.

"I wish I wasn't so much trouble for everyone, maybe I should just stay in jail," Tom said despondently.

"Don't you dare talk like that!" Harry turned angrily to face the young man. "You got a real raw deal Tom Ryan and while I won't pretend you've handled all of this in the most rational manner, I will not tolerate you giving up. That damn tape was bad enough!"

"Yes, sir," Tom said, but not very convincingly. "Did you know Alexander was going to release me?" Tom asked.

"No, I had no idea," Harry shook his head.

"Where's Cassy?" Tom finally asked, his heart pounding his chest like a clock, or a time bomb. Somehow, it had felt that way with every second that passed without being to convince Cassy that he hadn't meant his cruel words back on the island. As stubborn as Cass had always accused him of being, she was right up there next to him and the longer she had to convince herself that he had meant what he had said the more impossible it would be to convince her otherwise.

"I don't know, she walked out of the station this morning and I haven't heard from her since. She's not answering her phone," Harry admitted as he turned onto the road towards home.

Tom sighed and rubbed his forehead to try and dislodge his pounding headache. "Did she say anything?" Tom asked.

"No," Harry informed him.

"Damn," Tom swore under his breath.

"I listened to the tape," Harry said meaningfully.

"Meaning you know what I said to her." Tom closed his eyes and leaned his head back, too tired to even be still furious with himself.

"I'd ask what possessed you to say that Tom, but I doubt you could answer me." Harry shook his head. He couldn't help but think how grateful he was to have such an easy relationship with his beloved wife. Well, easy might not be the right word, but certainly not the sad and torturous relationship his two favorite detectives put themselves through.

"Possessed is probably the right word," Tom admitted, his chest constricting.

>>>>>>>

She hadn't even bothered taking off her shoes as she sat curled in a lounge chair on her deck overlooking the ocean. Her will had carried her out here as soon as she had gotten home obviously harboring a desperate belief that being near the ocean would calm her as it always had done before. Now, four hours later she was stiffened and parched and no closer to any solitude than she had been from the moment Thomas had told her he was marrying Virginia. It was the moment that it had all come crashing down around Cassy, somehow the vortex of her life had finally managed to pull Tom's life down with her own. Once again.

She was thirty two years old and couldn't think of one damn accomplishment. With a bitter smile she recounted the state of her life. A failed marriage. Partnered with the man she whose life she had ruined so that she could slowly deteriorate what leaving him had left of his heart and soul. Suspended from her career. Suspended from her life seemed more accurate in her estimation.

'Why didn't I walk away from the partnership when I realized he was still in love with me? Or wanted to win me,' Cassy asked herself for the thousandth time, this time with the correction Tom had forced on her the night before. In either permuation it was a useless question and one she had answered for herself about four months ago. Right before Tom had met that woman. With a ragged breath she buried her eyes into the heel of her hands. Futilely she rubbed them trying to ease the burning sensation. Still, she couldn't even bring tears to her eyes. Dry. She was just wrung dry.

Her heart ached as the sound of Tom's confessional replayed itself in her mind. In all the years and all the situations they had been through together, never had she heard him sound so...broken. Even in the hotel room his desperation still had a spark of life in it. Some hope, however, angry and twisted.

She had once said that hope sprung eternal for Tom Ryan. How different had she been herself waiting around all this time for something to drop out of the sky and make it possible for them to be together? They made themselves out to be star crossed lovers, when in fact he had never really loved her. No, he loved a woman who didn't really exist.

Cassy's arms dropped to her side as tears finally came to her eyes. Well, something had dropped from the sky and now she knew what she had to do. With tears falling in earnest down her cheeks she rose slowly and headed for the telephone.

>>>>>>>>

Tom shivered as he faced the closed door. It was another warm Spring day in Palm Beach, yet he couldn't fight off the chill in his heart as he steeled himself. As another minute passed his look of trepidation turned to a scowl. Her car was in the driveway and her windows were open, he knew she was home. After another ring and another minute of waiting he awkwardly pulled his keys out of his pocket. He slid the key into the lock and as he began to turn he realized it wasn't locked. His hand tightened around the door knob, half in anger and half in trepidation. It wasn't like Cassy to leave the house unsecured, there had been a few too many close calls.

"Cass," Tom called out as he walked into the townhouse. His eyes scanned the room and found evidence that she had been there. The deck doors were standing open, her purse was dropped in the middle of the living room floor and a full glass of water sat on the coffee table. His hand touched the glass and confirmed that it had long gone warm. There didn't appear to be any struggle and his shoulders relaxed. He ignored the twinge in his injured arm.

"Cass?" he called again as he eyed the still blinking light on the answering machine where his messages remained unheard. Or at least not listened to again as he assumed she had heard them when he had left them.

Tom headed up the stairs and continued his search. When he walked past the spare room that doubled as guest room and office he noticed some paperwork on the desk, but no Cassy.

Cassy's bedroom door was wide open and he immediately recognized her form curled up under the bed sheet. Tears came to his eyes as his intimate knowledge of this woman clued him in to her emotional state. If the uncharacteristic clutter downstairs wasn't enough, she had similarly dropped her clothes to the floor and left them where they fell. He walked towards the bed, heedless of the finery and frippery that his sneaker clad feet trampled over, and knelt down at the side of the bed. The knot in his chest tightened as he studied her tear stained face and almost fetal position. With his uninjured arm he reached out and tenderly stroked her damp cheek, his breath stirred the hair lying on her cheek.

How could he ever say he never loved her? His mistake was not in marrying her but in letting her go, in letting his stupid pride be more important than his wife. Did it really matter if the sheets were feminine looking sometimes? Was it so hard to pick up his clothes after he got undressed? Or not throw the wet towel onto the floor after he showered? Was his freedom to live like he always had more important than her comfort and security?

Somehow, at the time it seemed important. Perhaps if he had been willing to bend she would have too? It wasn't as if neither of them had done so over the years of their professional relationship both before and after their marriage.

"I didn't mean it, any of it," Tom whispered as she opened her blue eyes.

"Tom?" Cassy's sleepy voice broke through his self-flagellation. He watched in fascination as her unguarded tenderness abruptly ended and she remembered the circumstances of their waking lives. "They let you out," she observed as she backed away from him and began to sit up.

Tom ignored her obvious desire to distance herself from him and sat down on the side of the bed.

"I don't think you should do that," Cassy said warily as she clutched the sheet to her chest.

"What?" Tom looked at her in confusion. He had expected her to either get up and act with the same cold dispassion she had at the station or to put on her armor of anger and order him out of there. Her expressive body language took him off guard.

"You shouldn't be here." Cassy pulled the sheet closer around her naked body.

"I was hurting and I wanted to hurt you." Tom reached a hand out towards her.

"I was trying to help you." Cassy looked away, ignoring his hand.

"You were also trying to make me see something that I..."

"You couldn't admit you were wrong." Cassy gave a bitter laugh. "So you told me it was a mistake to marry me and you never loved me. Maybe our marriage was a mistake in a lot of ways, but I never thought it was because of a lack of love. You weren't just lashing out, Ryan, it was too calculated and way too cutting. If you wanted to lash out you could have kicked me out or called me a bitch, you didn't do that," Cassy shook her hair, oblivious to the strands of golden hair that stuck to her damp cheek.

"It wasn't calculated just easy for me. I took what I know to be your biggest fear and I used it to hurt you so that we would both be hurting. Maybe it was my twisted way of trying to bring us closer together, not have you saving my ass or telling me I was wrong," Tom wondered out loud.

"Easy? You call that easy?" Cassy turned to glare at him.

"Don't you think I don't know your fears like the back of my hands? You've accused me of wearing my heart on my sleeve, maybe I do, but you wear your fears on yours. And that was the very fear I've always blamed for driving us apart. I know that you've always been afraid I couldn't really love you because of the way your mother abandoned you as a child. It was like you don't trust me or my love for you," Tom explained with brutal honesty.

"So you've been angry with me all of these years and it was just waiting for the right time," Cassy didn't bother to ask out loud how that explanation was supposed to make her feel better. Or trust him.

"Yes."

"Did you love her?" Cassy's sudden change of topic caught Tom off guard.

"I thought I did." Tom's face stiffened and his eyes darkened in pain and anger.

"What does it take for you to be sure Tom?" Cassy asked, her strategy now becoming obvious.

'Don't let it be said that Cassandra St. John thinks fuzzily after being woken up and days of likely sleep deprivation.' Tom gave himself a mental shake. "Cassy we'd known each other for years before we got married," Tom reminded her.

"And yet after three months you got engaged to...her," Cassy pointed out. "I've seen it so many times over the years. You fall so fast and so hard, it was no different with me. When we finally got together, however, you couldn't help yourself from doing everything you could to protect your turf and push me away."

"What are you talking about?" Tom's forehead crinkled in confusion.

"We're talking about me and you. We fought about sheets, about towels in the bathroom, about leaving things on the floor, our schedules and just about anything that either one of us had to change or compromise on in order to live together. That didn't look, sound or feel like love Tom, but I still believed it was. Now I see that you sought your goal and you won and when you got it you didn't want it anymore. What kept you running after Virginia was that just when you thought you had won she ran off again."

Cassy stood up and began to pace at the foot of the bed. "All I've heard for years is how I hurt poor Thomas and his fragile heart, but not once did I hear that I could put whatever pattern of sheets on the bed I wanted or that you would pick up your dirty socks and hang up your wet towel. Not once did you offer to compromise," Cassy said with barely suppressed rage.

"This from Miss 'the-dishes-have-to-be-cleaned this way'! You didn't exactly offer compromise," Tom shot back.

"I might have, but you were never home to hear it." Cassy refused to have another argument about who was worse.

"I was working!" Tom said angrily.

"Most of the time, but not all of it. I'm not pretending I was anymore prepared to be married than you were," Cassy conceded.

"Then what is your point?" Tom said in frustration.

"How do you know you really love someone? You thought after three months that she would make a better wife than I did and you knew practically nothing about her. And even after you did discover who and what she was you stubbornly and recklessly continued to try and convert her, to save her. Maybe you were trying to save me from feeling unlovable, as you put it," Cassy said the last part as if she was surprised by the conclusion.

"So I can't love, that's ridiculous." Tom waved his hand to dismiss the notion.

"I'm not saying you can't love Tom. You're one of the most compassionate and caring man I have ever known and I know that you love your family and friends fiercely. _I_ just can't tell when and if you love a woman behind all of your need, hope and stubbornness," Cassy said sadly. "I know I'm not expressing this very well."

"What is your point?" Tom demanded.

"Maybe you never really loved me, but the biggest mistake was this partnership. If we hadn't inadvertently played these games all of these years maybe you wouldn't be where you are right now. I should have left when I meant to leave," Cassy said bitterly. "You asked where we go from here, away. _We_ don't go anywhere, _I_ go away, once and for all."

"What a surprise, things get messy and Cassandra St. John has to leave!" Tom stood up. "Just like her mother!"

"I'm nothing like my mother was!" Cassy stood up, angered by his comparison. "You are not my child, however much you may act like one."

"What am I to you. We've spent a lot of time discussing my feelings, but how did you feel about me. You're the one who left the marriage." Tom walked over to her and wrapped his fingers around her upper arm.

"I left the marriage because there was no marriage." Cassy looked him in the eyes as she spoke.

Tom's eyes closed and he dropped her arm. "She could never take your place, no one ever could." Tom opened his eyes, which were now filled with tears. "I never meant to hurt you. Please don't leave."

Cassy's heart ached and her fingers tingled with the need to touch his pained face, but she knew she couldn't give in to the pleading. She had left him once and it was the hardest thing she had ever done. Leaving him and all chance of even seeing him would be even harder, but she didn't see any other option now. "I"m leaving Palm Beach. It's best for both of us."

Tom stared silently at her, his hazel eyes boring holes into her soul. Just when Cassy thought he was turning to walk out his hand shot out and he buried his fingers in her hair.

"Then you're going to leave knowing how much I have always loved you and just what you're walking away from," he promised before capturing her mouth in an almost punishing kiss.

Cassy's fingers dug into Tom's back.

>>>>>>>  
A few hours later

Tom stood by the side of the bed and drank in the sight of Cassy's naked form sleeping on the bed below him. With the tips of his fingers he traced over her hip to her breast, his body surging with renewed arousal as her lips parted to sigh in response to his touch, even in her sleep. Trembling, he pulled his arm away.

Shoulders slumped in resignation he turned and walked out of the room.

Cassy's eyes opened and drank in her last sight of him.

End of Chapter 1


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Thursday April 22, 1999  
7p.m.

"Cassandra!" Evelyn St. John said in surprise as her daughter stood in her doorway with her luggage.

"I'm leaving Palm Beach and I need a place to stay while I figure out what to do next."

Evelyn stared at her daughter for a few seconds, shock clearly passing over her features. "Come in," she said as soon as she could catch her breath.

"What's happened?" Evelyn asked as her daughter uncharacteristically dropped her luggage in the foyer."I know about Tom and that Virginia woman. It was in the paper and on the news. Is that why you're leaving him?"

"I'm not leaving him, I'm leaving Palm Beach. My career is in a rut, my life is in a rut and I need to find some new opportunities." Cassy shrugged and walked into the living room.

"Don't try and fool me Cassandra, those were the arguments I used on you years ago," Evelyn pointed out as she followed her daughter into the perfectly appointed room. "Something must have happened between you and Tom for you to leave him at a time like this. And to come here to hide."

"Shouldn't you just be happy I'm taking your advice?" Cassy asked in a tired voice.

"I might have advised you against marrying Thomas Ryan and becoming a cop and I admit to spending years telling you I told you so, but you know very well that you and Tom saving my life and catching that murderer changed my mind about him and your work. So tell me what happened." Evelyn sat down next to her daughter. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks."

At the mention of lack of sleep Cassy jumped up and pretended to stare out the window at the ocean to hide the flush that spread guiltily over her face. "He told me he never loved me and that marrying me was the biggest mistake of his life," Cassy said in a voice that clearly told her mother that the words still pained her.

"That's nonsense," Evelyn dismissed the notion. "Surely you don't believe that man doesn't love you more than life itself. The last time I was alone with him he bawled me about my treatment of you," Evelyn chuckled at the memory. "If that's not love..."

"He did..." Cassy cut herself off. "It doesn't change what he told me."

"Are you jealous that he got engaged to someone else and didn't spend all his time waiting for you to come back to him?" Evelyn asked pointedly.

"No!" Cassy faced her mother. "It's just that I've finally seen the light. If anyone was waiting for Tom and I to get back together they were delusional. He and I are divorced and it's about time we started acting like it. One of us had to leave before we completely decimated the other, if it's not already too late."

"Are you saying that it's your fault that Thomas Ryan got engaged to this charlatan and got caught up in all this trouble? Then obviously you don't believe what he said," Evelyn said observantly.

"Whether it's true or not...at one time or another we were bound to move on and it would be uncomfortable for us to remain partners and best friends. When Thomas told me about his engagement we both realized that and everything else happened before we could act on that knowledge. And I can't honestly say that my presence and our hanging onto our partnership and friendship for so long didn't have something to do with Thomas so stubbornly trying to save this woman from herself," Cassy said tiredly.

"Thomas didn't have to remain partners with you," Evelyn pointed out.

"I'm not saying we both didn't make bad choices, for whatever reason, I'm just saying we need to move on with our lives." Cassy didn't refute the observation. "Can I stay with you while I figure out what to do? I didn't want to stay in Palm Beach right now. I should have called..."

"Of course you can stay here. I do have a trip planned to Australia in a couple of weeks, but. I can postpone it," Evelyn offered, for the first time, to change her plans for her daughter's sake.

"Thank you." Cassy looked at her mother with tears in her eyes. "That's not necessary. I don't anticipate still being here in two weeks and if I am you'll probably need to get away from me."

"Cassandra, stay as long as you need. I think you might need at least a couple of weeks to get over your past and figure out what to do with your future. Are the police going to need to talk to you?" Evelyn deftly changed the subject to something less personal.

"I have my cell phone and they can leave me a message on my home machine. In any case I left my number with Harry and the DA's office." Cassy rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"First order of business is to prepare a room for you so you can get some sleep." Evelyn stood up and began to give her daughter orders. Half an hour later her daughter was settled under the covers in a spare room with a tall glass of water at her bedside.

"It'll be nice to spend some time together," Evelyn said before leaving the room.

Cassy closed her eyes and sighed as sleep offered an escape from the irony that had become her life.

>>>>>>

"I wish you had called us," Lyam Ryan told his son as they sat in the motel room that would be Lyam's home for as long as he could leave his restaurant, which would be for however long his son needed him.

"It's probably best I didn't," Tom grimaced as his mind replayed the scene with Cassy. Who knows what he might have said to his parents had they been present?

"You haven't mentioned Cassy in all of this," Lyam finally broached the subject that had been carefully avoided over the past two days since Lyam had finally gotten a hold of his son.

"She's gone," Tom looked at his father with pain radiating from his entire body.

"Gone where?" Lyam asked in confusion.

"She left Palm Beach yesterday," Tom clarified.

"She left you in the middle of this mess? I don't believe it. Did things break down between you two when you got involved with..." Lyam couldn't mention the name of the woman that had destroyed his son's life without wanting to spit or cross himself.

"Cassy tried to help me, in fact she risked her career for me and she might still lose her badge," Tom closed his eyes.

"Then why is she gone now?" Lyam pressed his son gently.

"She came to warn me that I was about to be arrested and I accused her of being a spy for them. I accused her of recording our conversation," Tom spoke in a monotone. "When I told her I was staying because Virginia was going to help me, Cassy told me what a fool I was being. Actually, she said what a mistake I was making to risk my career and my life for that woman. I...I told her that my biggest mistake was marrying her and that I never loved her. Oh God, Dad, I thought she was going to break apart when she heard that. I might as well have pulled her heart from her chest," Tom finished in a ragged voice.

Lyam sat down on the bed next to his son and drew him into his arms. "She must know you didn't mean it." Lyam offered comfort.

"She doesn't know that." Tom pulled away and brushed at the wetness on his cheeks. "I know that some part of her always doubted my feelings for her. Between how her mother treated her and how I treated her when we were married and when she left me I can hardly blame her."

"What do you mean how you treated her?" Lyam asked with a strange expression on his face.

"You were right." Tom gave his father a lopsided smirk. "I wouldn't change the most trivial habits of my bachelor existence for her, but for this con woman I've destroyed my career and Cassy's. Why should she believe me?"

"Because even a fool can see how much you've always loved her," Lyam said simply.

"I'm not even sure about that anymore," Tom admitted. "But it's not just that. I think that in some way Cassy blames herself for the mistakes I made, that her continued presence in my life made me so desperate and crazy that I believed everything this woman said to me and I was willing to die to prove that I wasn't wrong about her. She says that we're no longer married and shouldn't be in each other's lives anymore and shouldn't have become partners again."

"In most cases I would agree that it is unhealthy and given everything that's happened I have to say that maybe Cassy isn't wrong," Lyam said quietly.

"What! You think Cassy's right to leave me now?" Tom asked almost angrily.

"Listen to yourself Tom. Cassy isn't your wife anymore, she's not leaving you," Lyam pointed out.

"Yes she is leaving me! I'm her partner and friend and she's fleeing Palm Beach to get away from me!" Tom argued.

"All I'm saying is that maybe your continued connection to each other isn't healthy. You have to know that your mother I worried about that when you and Cassy became partners again," Lyam admitted. "She hurt you a great deal and we didn't see how constantly reminding you of that loss would enable you to get over it. Maybe that is why you were so willing to blindly follow this woman and why you were so obsessed with not being wrong about another marriage, or potential marriage."

"I can't believe you're saying this. I thought you loved Cassy," Tom shook his head.

"She's a lovely woman and I do love her Tom, but you're our son and your feelings are our primary concern. We could never understand why you waited around for her to come back to her senses," Lyam said.

"That's not how it is," Tom sighed.

"Wasn't it?" Lyam asked with raised eyebrows.

"Maybe sometimes it seemed that way. We did try, when we first became partners, but it...we both knew it wouldn't work," Tom admitted. "But both of us have had pretty active love lives over the past couple of years..."

"Why didn't it work son? I asked you that when you were getting a divorce and you couldn't answer me then. Have you ever figured out what stood between you and the woman you loved so much? Aside from some conflicting personal habit," Lyam asked.

"There were issues of pride and trust, I guess," Tom said weakly.

"That was the danger of staying in each other's lives. You've never taken the chance to think about why it didn't work and what your respective faults were. You were always willing to point out Cassy's mistakes and I'm sure Cassy did the same, but there are two sides to every story. And if you don't learn from your mistakes you'll never stop making them," Lyam advised.

"I got myself into this mess because I never figured out what I did wrong with Cassy?" Tom refused to concede everything could be explained so simply.

"Stop being so damn stubborn Thomas Ryan, I can still take you over my knee! All I am saying is that you have never gained any perspective on yourself. Maybe once you do that you can figure out why things have happened as they have, aside from just plain fate," Lyam sternly told his son. "People are always kindly pointing out things to you, including your mother and I, and you just nod your head and move along. Clearly that's not acceptable anymore. You're a grown man and it's time you act like one. Things are not going to be easy but it's the only thing you can do for yourself right now. And I'm here to help you anyway I can. Just as I've always been."

"I know you have and I know you're right." Tom looked frightened by the prospect of real introspection. "Maybe then I could write that song," he joked.

"Maybe then you could." Lyam put his hand on his son's shoulder. "And maybe Cassy will be here to hear it."

"That I'm not going to count on," Tom said tiredly.

>>>>>>>

The next morning

"Thanks for the loan of the car." Cassy sipped her cup of orange juice across the table from her mother on the deck overlooking the harbor.

"My pleasure darling. I can't believe you sold that car, you loved it so much," Evelyn said.

"It was just a car. I got to live out my fantasy and now it's time to move on. I'm sending Tom back the money I got in the divorce, it was the seed money for the car," Cassy admitted a bit trepidatiously, worried about her mother's reaction. She was sure that Evelyn never once considered returning a divorce settlement.

"Honestly Cassy, sometimes I don't understand you." Evelyn shook her head.

"I didn't deserve that money. We were not married for long and I didn't need it. I was just angry and he pissed the judge off," Cassy reminded her.

"I just hope you didn't send him any interest. I can understand you wanting to start fresh, but money is money and he has jeopardized your career," Evelyn pointed out.

"He didn't make me do anything. I'm a big girl Mother." Cassy smiled at her mother, she was just looking out for her daughter. It had taken her enough years to understand her mother's communication methods, Cassy thought ironically.

"I know you are dear, however, I'm still your mother and I always will be. Now, did you bring enough clothes for an extended stay?" Evelyn changed the subject.

"Shopping sounds like fun." Cassy grinned at her mother's allusive invitation to spend the day together.

"Good. I'll drive." Evelyn took another sip of her coffee.

>>>>>>>  
Saturday, May 8, 1999

"No Mother, I don't feel like going shopping today." Cassy didn't bother turning her head from the view of the harbor.

"The problem is you don't feel like doing anything Cassandra! You've moped around her for over two weeks." Evelyn St. John's patience was gone.

"We've done plenty of shopping and I've gone to plenty of your social events." Cassy threw her hands up in exasperation. "I just don't know what to do with myself when I'm not working."

"Well then why aren't you doing something about saving your job instead of sitting around here and moping about it," Evelyn suggested sarcastically.

"I'm not moping! I'm just...taking time to consider my options. I haven't had a vacation in forever," Cassy finished weakly.

"This is not like you." Evelyn shook her head. "I'm going to postpone my trip to Australia. You'd just sit around her and waste away if I wasn't around."

"Please Mother, don't give up your trip for me, I'm fine." Cassy stood up and faced her mother.

"You always say your fine Cassandra, but you've been sitting in that chair and looking at the ocean for days. You hardly go out unless I drag you, you always look tired and when you do get out by yourself you're either exercising or pacing. Even now you can't stop glancing at the phone as if you're waiting for it to ring," Evelyn accused.

"I'm not waiting for the phone to ring," Cassy denied.

"You told Thomas that you were leaving his life for good, what do you expect? You're no longer his wife Cassandra and he's a man of great pride. I doubt he's going to show up here and sweep you off your feet now, even if he could leave the jurisdiction of Palm Beach," Evelyn reminded her.

"Mother!" Cassy scowled at her mother before sighing. "He refuses to admit that he could ever be wrong and I don't think I've ever seen him as wrong as he was about that...that woman!" Cassy didn't bother to deny she had been hoping he would call, and secretly hoping that their last night together wasn't just one last fling. 'As if now we could solve everything we couldn't solve before.'

Evelyn calmly sat down on the sofa as she watched her daughter become animated for the first time in over a week. It was about time that Cassandra began to deal with things again and she wasn't about to stop her.

"I mean, who does he think he is? He dresses like a clown half the time and flirts with all those women in front of me and then in the next breath tells me how much I broke his heart. Give me a break! Then he was going to marry that...that tacky woman. Even if he couldn't tell she was a con woman, she clearly looked like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader-Playboy centerfold from two decades ago!" Cassy was beginning to warm to her tirade when her mother cleared her throat. "What? You've seen pictures of her."

"It's not nice to speak ill of the dead," Evelyn scolded, but began speaking again before her daughter could call her on the hypocrisy. "If he's so annoying why are you moping around here instead of moving on with your life?"

"I'm not moping, I'm just taking a break and deciding where to go next." Cassy crossed her arms and scowled.

"Then why aren't you in Palm Beach packing up your house, working to get the charges against you dismissed and applying for a new job elsewhere?" Evelyn asked with raised eyebrows.

"If you want me to leave then just say so." Cassy looked hurt.

"I don't want you to leave. We've spent so little time together, most of that is my fault I know that, but it's not worth it if it's because you've given up on yourself." Evelyn put her hands on her daughter's arms. "It's time to pick up the pieces."

"I...I don't know what's wrong with me Mom." Cassy sighed and looked at her mother with teary eyes. "I'm just so tired all the time. I...I don't know what to do next." A few tears slid down her cheek as she laughed bitterly at herself. "So, maybe I'm not fine, but I don't know how to deal with that."

"How about not alone for a change? I might not be very good at this, but I'd like to try and be a typical mother," Evelyn said teasingly.

"I'm not a typical daughter, I wouldn't know what to do with you if you succeeded," Cassy squeezed her mother's forearm. "Don't give up your trip, I will be fine. I just need some more time, my attorney thinks that Internal Affairs won't take away my badge and Alexander isn't bringing charges against me. It's just a waiting game, my being there won't make things better for anyone."

"You've never waited for anything a day in your life. I can't help wondering what...or who you're waiting for." her mother kissed Cassy's cheek before leaving the room.

>>>>>>>  
Monday, May 10, 1999

"They couldn't find anything to charge you with other than fleeing the jurisdiction," Sara Meyer informed her client. "You also left the scene of an accident, but it was out of their jurisdiction and you were turning yourself in."

"So I'm being charged with being a fugitive." Tom didn't know whether to be relieved or bitter. Being considered fugitive in the eyes of the law still wasn't a favorable image for a cop, but it was better than murder. He still hadn't been able to face the "accident" his lawyer referred to.

"Alexander has offered a plea bargain deal. Your record as a cop is working in your favor Tom," Sara told him. "Community Service and psychological counseling is all he's asking in return for a guilty plea. I think it's the best deal I've ever heard."

"Would I win at a trial?" Tom asked.

"If you chose to go through a trial I can't guarantee that there won't be additional charges brought, just to make things harder," Sara admitted.

"Will I lose my badge if I plead guilty?" Tom looked at his attorney with trepidation.

"In most cases I would advise against pleading guilty unless there was no chance of winning, but in this case I think a trial would only make things uglier for your IA hearing. If the DA let's you off this easily then IA might be inclined to do so as well. My experience tells me that taking this plea is your best shot to save your badge. We could go to trial and we might be able to garner sympathy from a jury, but I don't think you'd want that?" Sara asked.

"No, I did leave the jurisdiction. Pleading stupid and stubborn won't help anything. At least this way no one will have to testify in court. I'll take the plea." Tom stood up and focused his gaze on the law books by the door.

"They'll still have to testify before IA, Captain Lipshitz, the coroner and your partner," Sara reminded him.

"She will?" Tom turned around, not having thought about that before as his mind had been focused on the trial.

"Yes, Tom she will." Sara rested her chin on her hands. "And Captain Lipshitz not giving up his badge will go a long way to giving his testimony on your behalf some credibility, especially when he admits that the officers he assigned to the case had it in for you and wouldn't investigate thoroughly and that he himself turned up evidence corroborating your claim with little effort. Same with Sterling and your partner. This might be the first case I've had where so many people disobeying the rules might be a good thing."

"Glad to be of help." Tom attempted a smile, but his heart clearly wasn't in it. 'Cassy will have to be here,' was all he could think about.

>>>>>>>>  
Miami International Airport

Cassy rushed from the International terminal where she had just sent her mother off on her trip "Down Under" to the domestic terminal where she was catching her own flight to Houston. It had taken about five minutes from when her mother pointed out her behavior for Cassy to take action. Contrary to her mother's belief, she had been taking steps to secure her future and had spoken to her friend Jake with the Houston Police Department a couple of times. Jake had offered her a job many times over the years, including when she had left Tom and then had problems after turning in Berkow, but she had refused to "run away," as she had put it then. Now she wished she had run away, cut her losses, or whatever euphemism enabled people to hide from the truth. Running away suddenly seemed the bravest thing she could have done.

Winded, she reached the right corridor and stopped for a couple of bottles of water. 'I wish this bug would either come or go,' she thought as she took a quick sip before putting them into her carry on bag. Before heading for her gate she closed her eyes and took a calming breath. "I am not depressed!" she reminded herself sternly. Letting out the breath she turned her determined strides towards Houston.

>>>>>>>  
That Night

"Well, it took me long enough to entice you out here," Jake smiled at his dining companion.

"You haven't gotten me yet," Cassy waved her glass of water at the older gentleman across the table from her. Jacob Mayer was one of her mother's ex-husbands, one of the few who had taken an interest in the woman's children and he and Cassy had stayed in touch all these years. He had even attended her police academy graduation when her mother refused. Jake had been Police Commissioner for the City of Houston for three years now and had been trying to recruit her for just as long. She never imagined she would take him up on it.

"Still playing hard to get even after you've flown all this way?" Jake chuckled.

"You might not want me, considering all the trouble I'm in back home." Cassy sighed and looked at her plate.

"I've spoken with your Commissioner and it sounds like you're in a lot less trouble than you think. Even if they decide to take away your badge you're still welcome to come to work here, I doubt my officers will shun someone who lost her badge standing up for her partner," Jake brushed aside her concerns. He didn't fail to notice her face stiffen at the mention of her partner, and ex-husband. "I spoke to him about Tom as well. He's been offered a plea bargain, he won't do any jail time."

"That's good to hear." Cassy was relieved.

"So you haven't been in touch with him?" Jake looked puzzled by the very idea.

"Thomas Ryan and I are finally out of each other's lives. It was a long time coming, don't you think?" Cassy asked lightly before taking a sip of water.

"Well, you are divorced from each other," Jake agreed. "That hasn't stopped you two from working well together."

"Don't tell me that having him as my partner is a prerequisite for coming here?" Cassy teased.

"No, no, of course not. I'm not talking as your future boss, I'm talking as an old friend who cares about you. This just seems like a sudden change and you've been through a lot over the past month. You're not one to share your feelings, but maybe you'll make an exception." Jake slid his hand around Cassy's on the table.

"Damn." Cassy ducked her head and wiped her cheeks with her free hand. "I thought if I avoided wine tonight you wouldn't do this to me."

"It's my power not the alcohol." Jake squeezed her hand. "We don't have to discuss this here."

"You've already made me cry. They'll think you're dumping me!" Cassy laughed."Like I haven't had enough of that lately."

"Whoa, when are you going to tell me...hold that question. Let's get out of here and take a walk on the Gulf," Jake raised a finger and signaled the waiter for the bill.

"Great, an interrogation with a cool breeze and nice scenery," Cassy mumbled to herself. Houston was turning out to be more like Palm Beach than she had anticipated.

>>>>>>>  
May 13, 1999

"So it's done." Tom dropped down into the chair in his new apartment, not bothering to take off his unusually sedate colored jacket. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, almost as if he were in physical pain.

"Everything will turn out all right," Lyam assured his son as he took a seat on the sofa facing his son.

"How can you say that? I just stood in court and pled guilty to a crime," Tom sounded sickened by the idea. His hands shook as he opened his eyes and held them up.

Lyam swallowed as his heart broke at the sight of his son's despair. Thomas had always been a good boy. Oh, he didn't follow every rule, but even when he broke them it was either for a good reason or harmless fun. Lyam couldn't help but wonder if Tom was just due after years spent doing good and then having such evil directed at him. Somehow he had to find a way to help his son get past this, some way to empower himself before he totally broke. "I thought we raised you better than this. Enough of this sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Bad things happened Tom and you showed some less than perfect judgment, but you're not perfect Tom. You have a few more hurdles in front of you to face and you can't give up now," Lyam said as plainly as he could. "So you can either sit here and go to pieces and let your career and your wife get away or you can get up and do something about it."

"Maybe I shouldn't do anything about any of it," Tom said blandly. At his father's questioning look he continued. "I knew when I became partners with Cassy that a relationship between us was forbidden and dangerous, but that didn't stop me from pursuing it," Tom began his self flagellation.

"After five years," Lyam pointed out.

"The point is I still did it. Cassy never would have done it if I hadn't kept pressuring her." Tom stood up and began to pace. "I never gave her a moment's peace once I decided what I wanted and I swept her up in the whole thing. I never gave her a chance to step back and think, something I knew she needed to do and didn't let her do in the first place. So what happened between us really is no surprise. She finally got a moment to think and she bolted - because everything had to be my way. How in the world did I think for one second that we could be or should be partners after that? I might never have lost her if I hadn't broken the rules, her rules and those of our job. So I lost her. Now I push this woman I barely know to fill that hole in my life, I find out she's not what I wanted her to be and I push and push to make her into that image - throwing away my career and my partner and friend in the process. I don't deserve to have any of it back. I killed Virginia with the car and I killed Cassy with my word and I killed my career with my actions."

"Thomas, I don't think I've heard a bigger bunch of bull in your entire life," Lyam said calmly from his seated position.

"What? What in what I said was bull?" Tom put his hands on his hips and challenged his father.

"For starters, when has Cassandra St. John Ryan ever done anything she didn't want to do?" Lyam asked.

"Second, that Virginia woman was a professional con artist and she died because she tried to kill you! Perhaps your actions weren't within the rules, but from what I've heard from everyone the cops assigned to your case weren't listening to your story. Cassy and Harry were trying to help you, but you didn't want to involve them in your trouble. Maybe you believed in that woman a little too hard, but that's who you are Tom. You're a loyal and stubborn man who needs to help people and those are not necessarily the worst qualities in either a man or a cop. Things went bad and now it's time to fix them not feel sorry for yourself."

"She died, I never knew her and she died by my hand." Tom looked at his father with tears in his eyes.

"I know son, I know." Lyam stood and took his tall son into his arms. "It wasn't your fault."

"It doesn't make it any less horrifying," Tom said with tears running down his cheek.

"No, it doesn't." Lyam rubbed his son's back.

"And I don't think Cassy will ever speak to me again, I killed that too," Tom gasped out between silent sobs.

"If divorce didn't break you two apart, then I don't think words said under such obvious stress will do lasting damage either."

>>>>>>

"You've been silent for a while," Jake commented.

Cassy smiled apologetically at her old friend and mentor. "I'm not very good company these days, so I'm told."

"Ah, the magic of Evelyn." Jake chuckled at the characteristic silver tongue of his ex-wife.

At first Cassy only shrugged in acknowledgment, but soon characteristically began to defend her mother. Except this time she had something to defend. "You'd be surprised. She's changed a lot over the last couple of years. She's really trying to be a mother...and I'm really trying to be a daughter." Cassy laughed at herself. It was hard, though, after over thirty years of being shunted off and criticized to suddenly being "mothered" or at least as much as her mother could manage.

"That I would have to see to believe, but it's about time you thought so." Jake put his arm around her bare shoulders. "Are you chilly?"

"No way." Cassy took a deep breath. The heat is already oppressive back in Palm Beach, this is a relief.

"It's not much better here if you're looking for better weather," Jake reminded her.

"There is still more breeze from the Gulf than we get." Cassy savored the feel of the moist air devoid of oppressive humidity, at least for tonight. She hadn't felt this good in weeks. Being far away from her cares was more beneficial than she had expected. She never had been good at sitting by and feeling sorry for herself. She couldn't believe she had already wasted three weeks. "What would you say if I told you I was definitely interested in your job offer?"

"I'd say put your townhouse up for sale and get your Texas ass back home girl!" Jake shook her in his excitement.

"Yee ha!" Cassy threw her hand up in the air and got into the spirit.

End of Chapter 2


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Sunday, May 16, 1999  
Palm Beach International Airport  
9pm

"I wish I didn't have to get back," Lyam sighed as he and his son headed for his departure gate.

"I wish you wouldn't come back next week, it's not going to be fun." Tom tried not to hurt his father's feelings. The truth was he wanted his parents there for the Internal Affair hearing for support, but didn't want them to hear all the gory details that were going to come out. At least he didn't want his mother to know about his sick and depraved behavior.

"Son, we're going to be here to support you. There's nothing your mother can't handle." Lyam put his hands on his son's forearms.

"I know..." Tom trailed off. His father felt his muscles tense beneath his hands.

Curiously, Lyam turned and looked at what had caught his son's attention. Or rather, who. Cassandra St. John's shimmering blond hair caught his attention immediately. He could feel his son's pulse begin to race and his breath became audible.

As the father and son watched Cassy, who was debarking from an arriving plane at the next gate, ran a tired hand over her forehead and gingerly sat down in one of the uncomfortable gate chairs. Lyam, still clutching his son's arms could feel his son begin to move forward. Just then another passenger, a man, came to stand before Tom's ex-wife. From Cassy's reaction it was obvious she knew the man. He leaned down and stroked her shoulder and spoke to her. Cassy looked up at him and smiled. Tom and Lyam could see the man wink and lean down to pick up her carry on bag. He held out his hand, which Cassy took, and he assisted her to a standing position and followed her towards the baggage claim area. Neither noticed the two men watching their every move.

"I don't have to leave." Lyam turned his attention back to his son.

"Well, I shouldn't have expected that to take long." Tom swallowed and schooled his features to unconcern.

"You don't know they're together." Lyam tried to comfort his son.

"Cassandra St. John wouldn't take the hand of a stranger or let him carry her bag," Tom continued to pretend to be unaffected. "You're going to miss your flight. I'll see you next weekend. I love you." Tom hugged his father.

"Sure, Tom. I'll call you when I get home." Lyam embraced his son back.

"You do that." Tom pasted on a smile before turning and practically stalking away.

>>>>>>

Cassy smiled as Brian handed her baggage to the taxi driver.

"Thank you so much, I usually don't have a problem when I travel," she said again as she prepared to leave.

"No problem, it was my pleasure. You have my number. Maybe when you're feeling better you'll give me a call and we'll have some real food." Brian smiled charmingly.

"I'll do that," Cassy promised as Brian, still a gentleman, helped her into the taxi.

"I'll count on that." Brian winked again, something Cassy noticed her seat companion on the plane did a lot. She suspected he thought it made him more charming. As the taxi drove away she leaned back and closed her eyes. Ever since take off in Houston she had been feeling horrible. Even the relatively smooth cab ride was bringing her stomach back to the brink. 'Must be a bug,' she thought to herself as she rested a palm on her stomach.

Brian, her seat companion, was an architect who lived in West Palm who had taken pity on his obviously uncomfortable seat mate and not bothered her with too much chatter and let her turn off the light and sleep. When she was awake, he provided a welcome distraction from her discomfort. At the airport he had taken pity on her and helped her with her bags, something she definitely would never allowed if she hadn't felt so ill.

Part of her wondered whether it was nerves on her prodigal return to Palm Beach, but certainly she wasn't that out of control of her emotions?

>>>>>>>

Cassy entered the dark townhouse feeling like a stranger, already. She left the lights off, letting the chill of the darkness seep into her bones. She would be leaving this place at the end of the month for good, she needed to disconnect herself from the feeling of home this place had given her over the years.

Now that all movement, other than by her own feet, had stopped she could feel her stomach begin to settle down. She didn't quite feel up to a big meal or calisthenics, but neither did she feel like spending the night over the porcelain-god either. A hot bath was what she was craving. Hotel tubs, not matter how pretty, just weren't home.

"Not home for long," she reminded herself as she headed for her temporary haven.

>>>>>>

Tom Ryan slammed the door to his new apartment with extra force, trying to work off his excess tension. He had been cautious on the way home from the airport, not wanting to get a ticket to add to his troubles, but the caution and the sickening sight of Cassy and her new lover were adding up into raw energy that he needed to burn off.

"A run," he mumbled as he headed for his new bedroom to change.

>>>>>>  
Three hours later

Tom slipped his sodden t-shirt around his neck as he dug into the pocket of his tight running shorts for his key. Under the light of the moon his sweaty chest gleamed as rivulets of sweat made their weary path down his muscles. The waistband of his shorts pulled downward as his hand continued to dig around revealing his taut stomach and the hint of a widening trail of hair.

"Yes!" Tom exclaimed as he finally pulled the key from his tiny pocket. Entering his apartment he rubbed his shirt over his chest, ruffling the hair in its wake. As he entered his bathroom he dropped the poor article of clothing into the laundry hamper, something he had bought with his former habits and Cassy's annoyance in mind. As the strange new practice impinged on his consciousness he thought of Cassy.

With a frustrated sigh he began to push his shorts and underwear over his hips. While thoughts of his ex-wife and ex-partner, he supposed she was his ex-partner now, and their last encounter made him harden. Naked and stiff, he leaned into the frosted glass stall and turned on the shower. In a minute the room began to fill with steam. With an athlete's dexterity he slid into the stall and under the water and closed the door in on emotion.

Streams of water slid over his sensitized skin taking dirt and sweat with it and leaving behind the feeling of being caressed.

Leaning his face under the water Tom tried to pretend that his lower body wasn't remembering the feel of Cassy's fingers and the satin sheets of her bed as they both slid over his skin.

>>>>>>>  
Tuesday, May 18, 1999  
Palm Beach, Florida

"I can't believe you're moving to Houston. I thought you hated Texas and lived for the day you got out." Claudia St. John shook her head and took a sip of her glass of whisky as she and her sister sat outside on the second floor deck overlooking the beach.

"I never hated Texas, I couldn't stand the small town we were stuck in when I graduated high school." Cassy shrugged away the argument.

"Still, I thought you loved Palm Beach. I thought you loved Tom. And I bet it was hard being so popular." Claudia swished the ice and remnants of her drink around in the glass.

"Nice to talk backwards." Cassy refused to rise to her sister's bait. It was taking all of her energy, though.

"Whatever, maybe if you have a drink you'll lighten up. When you suggested I go to Mom's, pick up the car and meet you here I thought maybe we would have some fun. I didn't expect to watch you walk around like stepford wife." Claudia refilled her glass with the decanter she had conveniently settled at the side of her lounge chair.

"Stepford wife?" Cassy finally looked at her sister, but with an exasperated look on her face.

"Everything is wonderful. Yet you're suspended, you're moving to Houston and you're never going to speak to Thomas Ryan again. Hardly seems wonderful to me." Claudia waved the crystal decanter to punctuate her words.

"It's time to move on with my life." Cassy shrugged and began to reapply suntain oil over the skin bared by her skimpy bikini. "There's no sense in moping around about it. I did plenty of that before I went to Houston, ask Mother. You would have been proud."

"It's going to come crashing down," Claudia said ominously.

"What?" Cassy rolled her eyes under the sunglasses.

"Your repression is going to cause you to implode or something," Claudia promised.

"I am not repressed!" Cassy bit her lip at the unintended response.

Claudia just snorted and took another slug of her drink.

"And what's with the drinking?" Cassy changed the subject.

"I'm on vacation and you're making me crazy," Claudia replied, but put her glass down and resumed her sunbathing pose. She shook out her mane of blond hair and stretched her arms over her head, emphasizing her more voluptuous figure. "We've been here for two days, when do you think he'll show up?"

"Who?" Cassy's teeth dug deeper into the inside of her mouth. She knew very well who her sister was referring to. Her heart pounded

Claudia just snorted again and the sisters fell into silence.

>>>>>>>>

Tom Ryan sat in his car across the street from Cassy's town house. He knew she was there, although her Boxer wasn't in the driveway only a car with Miami plates. The piece of paper in his pocket explained all that. For four weeks had been walking around with the uncashed check Cassy had sent him by way of Harry. The brief note enclosed said it was a "refund" of their divorce settlement. He had known immediately that she had sold her dream car. The realization was a punch in the gut. She had begun the process of wiping him out of her life, much like she had done when she had left him and sold their wedding rings and gave him his half of the money back.

"Claimed she had," Tom reminded himself. After waking up in intensive care the nurse had told him about the ring his partner had placed under his pillow. For the couple of weeks he had remained in the hospital he had slept with it in his fist. But he never mentioned to Cassy that he had known that she had kept it and left it like a talisman under his pillow.

"Maybe if I had..." Tom mentally kicked himself for the billionth time and hit his steering wheel for the twentieth since stopping in her neighborhood.

"Ahem," Harry Lipshitz audibly cleared his throat.

"Harry." Tom smiled weakly as his former and hopefully future boss sat down in the passenger seat of his Mustang.

"What are you doing?" Harry ignored Tom's weak attempt at social pleasantry.

"Just taking a drive?" Tom grimaced at his own lame excuse.

"Have you even tried to go in?" Harry asked in a sympathetic tone.

Tom draped his hands over the steering wheel and stared unseeingly out the front window as he shook his head in the negative. "Why are you here?" he asked a minute later.

"She called me," Harry told him. "She said she had some news for me that she wanted to give me in person and she didn't want to appear at the Department. I don't think she knew I had resigned."

"When are you going to do something about that?" Tom asked.

"When they give you full reinstatement!" Harry said forcefully.

"I appreciate the support Harry, but it's not necessary. I got myself into this, I don't want you to sacrifice your career for me," Tom looked at his mentor gratefully.

"This is not solely for you. I'm sick and tired of being pushed around by IA and the Mayor. Burmeister and Ballard are the ones who should have their asses in slings for their shoddy work and unprofessional conduct. I'm not working under these conditions anymore," Harry sternly informed his friend. "Do you want to come in with me?"

"No, I don't think she'd appreciate it. Do you know what she wants to talk to you about?" Tom declined the offer.

"She didn't say," Harry said evasively.

"But you have some idea," Tom concluded. "Tell me Harry," he pleaded when he saw Harry's hesitation.

"I got a call from the Houston, Texas PD asking about Cassy and her suspension," Harry reluctantly told him.

Tom just closed his eyes and didn't respond.

"Nothing is set in stone." Harry put a comforting hand on Tom's arm. "Frannie hasn't even spoken to her yet."

"Frannie is good, but I don't think even she can get Cassy to trust me." Tom looked like his world had just fallen apart, again. "Ten years and I haven't been able to succeed fully and I think I've gotten closer than most."

"She's a tough case, but you've solved tougher, Tom," Harry observed.

A gleam came into Tom's eyes as he looked at his friend. He had never thought about solving the mystery of Cassandra St. John as he would any case he got handed on the job. After over ten years of intimacy, certainly he had an advantage?

"I'm going in. Why don't you come to dinner tonight? It'll stop Frannie from making me start this new diet she's talking about, she likes to feed you good food," Harry suggested.

Tom thought for a minute before responding. "Sure, I might as well have a good meal while I interrogate friends of the the...er...subject." Tom grinned.

"If you tell Cassy I had anything to do with this I'll deny it," Harry said in warning before exiting the car.

"A good investigator wouldn't be caught," Tom mumbled under his breath as he started his car and drove away.

End of Chapter 3


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
>>>>>>>

"What did you want to see me about Cassy?" Harry asked as she let him into her townhouse. "Hello Claudia, I didn't know you were here."

"Hi Harry, I won't be here for long, you two have a lot to discuss and I don't want to be around for this. I'm just heading out for some dinner and stuff," Claudia smiled warmly at her sister's friend as she pulled a t-shirt over her bathing suit and hastily tossed on shorts. With a quick wave she disappeared.

"How are you doing Cass?" Harry asked in a serious tone, despite the flashy tropical shirt that looked like the owner could never be serious.

"Have a seat Harry. Can I get you something to drink? Iced tea, water, soda? Something stronger?" Cassy finished buttoning her own shirt over her bikini top.

"You didn't answer my question, I'll take that something stronger. We're not exactly on the clock are we?" Harry sat down on the sofa in the pristine living room. The boxes piled up in one corner didn't escape his notice.

"Beer okay?" Cassy asked.

"Fine." Harry nodded. "Enough procrastinating St. John," he continued a few seconds later when she returned with an open bottle.

"I wanted to see you in person, to tell you, well, about something I'm thinking about," Cassy said hesitantly. Now that the moment had come to make her decision official she was having a hard time making the words come out. 'You say this to Harry it comes true,' her heart and mind were both telling her.

"Tell me." Harry put the beer on the coffee table and grasped her hands in his. He didn't want to hear what she was going to say, but he couldn't deny her the comfort of a friend either. Even if he couldn't see the pain in her eyes he knew that this was painfully difficult for her. As if to punctuate the thought, the fingers he held felt like icicles.

"I'm thinking of leaving Palm Beach, the Department." Cassy dipped her head as she spoke.

Harry's heart ached. He had known since receiving the phone call from Houston what was coming, but he still had hoped she would change her mind. The fact that Cassandra Lynn St. John couldn't look him in the eyes proved to him that she didn't really want to go. And they had another two weeks to change her mind.

"Thinking about leaving?" Harry prodded.

"I've decided to resign from my position here once the IA is done with me and to take a job in Houston, but you probably knew that already." Cassy looked up at Harry, her characteristic fire in her eyes.

"Yes, I knew that. I was hoping you would change your mind," Harry admitted. "We don't want you to go. Franny and I. And Tom."

At the mention of Tom's name Cassy pulled her hands from Harry and stood up and began to pace. "I'll miss you and Franny, dearly, but I can't pass this opportunity up. I should have left years ago, before... after... My life has been on hold ever since the divorce, not intentionally, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, emotionally or professionally. Houston will be good for me."

"You mean you're running away," Harry accused.

"That's not going to work. I'm not that predictable." Cassy smiled almost bitterly. "It's not running Harry, running away means that I didn't stay and try to make things work, but I have. For almost three years I've tried to get past the mistake that I made, but I can't do that here. There's too much past."

"Is this about what Tom said?" Harry asked point blank.

Cassy turned at his question and looked at him. After a minute she sat down in the chair next to the sofa where he was sitting.

"In part, yes, this is about what Tom said to me. I think maybe it's time I tell you some things I've never told you before, things I've never told anyone before." Cassy waited for his consent before continuing. At his nod she took a deep breath and visibly steeled herself. It wasn't every day that Cassandra St. John poured out her heart and soul. "After the divorce neither Tom nor I wanted to put you and Franny, or any of our other friends, in the middle of what happened between us. I can't know for certain what Tom told you, but I am pretty sure that it wasn't very complimentary to me. I don't mean that he insulted me, but from everything I've picked up over the years he hasn't exactly moved past the storyline that I unexpectedly left because I'm such a close off person and I heartlessly broke his heart. I'm just as certain that you never believed it was so simple. At least I hope you didn't."

Cassy paused to take a breath and to fight back tears.

"What he said on that island was just a confirmation of what I've always known Harry, of why I left him in the first place. You have to know that I would have gladly spent the rest of my life with him, if only..." Cassy stood up and turned towards the windows trying to regain control over her emotions.

"You don't know that he loves you?" Harry's face was a picture of shock.

"No Harry, Tom doesn't love me. That's the story he likes to play, but it's just not true." Cassy turned and smiled almost sympathetically at her and Tom's old friend.

"Not for one second will I believe that I can't believe that you do!" Harry said sternly.

"Tom...cares for me, I know he does. He even loves me as a dear friend. And yes, sexually, I know he desires me." Cassy blushed at saying the words in front of the older man. "But the love like you and Franny have? Unconditional love where two people love each other for who they are, beautiful, life sustaining feelings. God Harry, I ached for Tom to love me like that. I even believed for a while that he did, of course I never would have married him if I had known. But he didn't and he doesn't. It took Virginia to finally make me fully admit that to myself." Cassy gave up trying to stop her tears and they ran unashamedly down her cheeks.

"Cassy..." Harry began to speak, but Cassy stopped him.

"Listen to me Harry, really listen. I know you love Tom like a son. This isn't meant to disparage him, it's just how he is. That's why no matter how much I love him I can't be with him. And I can't stand in the shadows anymore just to be near him." Cassy pulled tissues out of a conveniently placed box on top of the moving boxes.

A few minutes later she retook her seat.

"You see me as the closed off person in mine and Tom's relationship don't you?" Cassy waited for Harry's nod. "Think about this, Jason Tremaine. Remember that case, Tom's history with him? It was probably one of the most painful and profound experiences of Tom's life, remember? I didn't know one little thing about those experiences or that man. None of it. Tom's fear and his anger were sides of him I had never seen - in the decade I'd known him not once had he shown any of this to me before. I don't think there is any relevant part of myself that Tom doesn't know and hasn't known since the formative years of our partnership. I might not be the most forthcoming person, but I've never pretended to be anything other than what I am Harry. That's just one example Harry, one that you're intimately familiar with."

"He walks around as if he wears his heart on his sleeve, but he doesn't, not really. He is incredibly romantic and endearing and he can shower a woman with love and adoration like...well, like I had never experienced. I won't deny that. But whether Tom loves the woman he's showering this attention on or the idea of her is really the question. We've both seen it time and again over the years. He meets some woman and within a week he's head over heels and then he's surprised when a few months later, if it lasts that long, when things fizzle out. Or when she suddenly isn't the person he thought she was. I'll bet you that more than half the time it's not the woman deceiving him, but him deceiving himself. Look at how wrong he was about Virginia." Cassy scrubbed at the tears the continued to run down her cheeks.

"None of us knew she was a con woman," Harry pointed out.

"None of us knew her at all Harry. Tom was with her for three months and planned to spend the rest of his life with him. I'm not saying that he was stupid or wrong, but maybe he was blind. Blind to the fact that her entire life was a lie. And in a bit of a rush. Engaged after three months? She hadn't even met his parents. He was just so damn eager to be married, to be loved. And when she turned out to be someone other than he had thought did he walk away and cut his losses? No, he tried to change her, just like he tried to change me. He could say he never loved me, because he never really did, because he didn't have to anymore. He had a new challenge to contend with. He would save Virginia instead of trying to save me."

"You think Tom was trying to save you?" Harry sounded tired.

"From myself, from my mother, from whatever, yes. If only I would be less of a perfectionist, if only I would live more on the edge, if only I would be more open with my emotions, if only I would like the same sheets as him, if only I didn't worry so much about the towels, if only I would trust easier, and so on. During our marriage it felt like every sentence he said to me started with 'if only'!" Cassy's despair turned easily into anger. "That's not unconditional love Harry. I teased him about his romantic poetry and stuff, but it was just that - teasing. He knew how much I adored it. That's why I left him Harry. That's why I was so angry at him and pursued a divorce settlement on a seven month marriage. I know now that being angry isn't worth it, because that's just how he is. He didn't mean to mislead me. And you know what's ironic, I still loved him." Cassy closed her eyes and leaned back in the plush chair.

"I had no idea..." Harry looked a bit stunned.

"I thought I could live with things this way, but I can't watch him continue to destroy his life and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another man if I hang around here." Cassy regained her composure. "I'm not running away Harry, I don't do that. I'm moving on. For both our sakes."

Something in Cassy's last comment piqued Harry's interest, but he let it drop for now. He was certain that another confessional from St. John wasn't in his future. "Will you at least have dinner with Franny and I before you go?"

"Of course, if Tom is not there, I would love it." Cassy leaned forward and clasped Harry's hand. "So what's this I hear about you resigning? I'm sure I could find you a place in Houston?"

"What they're doing to you and Tom is bull and I want them to know it. If the Commissioner and the Mayor want me to come back they're going to have to step away from my turf once and for all. Quite frankly, though, I don't think I want to work for a department that treats officers like you and Tom like this." Harry ignored her comment about Houston. Both of them knew that would never happen. If he didn't take back his Palm Beach job it would be a peaceful retirement here with Franny.

"What are Tom's chances?" Cassy asked.

"Pretty good I think, especially since Alexander only charged him with escape, since he was under investigation, but that was just to appease the press since he wasn't under arrest or court order not to leave the jurisdiction," Harry filled her in on what happened while she was gone, though he suspected she already knew.

"So there's nothing to say that IA won't try and appease the press either."

"No, but I'm working on that," Harry assured her.

"Won't you have more say if you took your job back?"

"The Mayor and the Commissioner are the ones we need to work on, Alexander is going to bat for you guys by the way," Harry told her.

"It's about time." Cassy's grateful and touched smile belied her words.

"Is there nothing I can say to change your mind? I'll let you pick your own partner." Harry felt he had to ask.

"Thanks Harry, but I don't think I could work here with anyone else but Tom." Cassy shook her head.

Harry stood up and held out a hand. Like a gentleman he assisted Cassy out of her seated position, but instead of moving away he took her into his embrace. Cassy wrapped her arms around him in return. For minutes the two friends stood silently comforting each other. "You know you always have a home here. And for the record I love you like a daughter to. Don't you dare lose touch or I'll come to Houston after you and so will Franny," Harry said gruffly.

"Franny I'm afraid of." Cassy said from the depths of his arms.

"Franny will call you about dinner." Harry reluctantly moved away.

"Thanks Harry." Cassy held on to his hand as she walked him to the door.

"You take care of yourself, you look tired." Harry ruffled her hair slightly before moving out the door.

"Pouring your guts out will do that." Cassy's last ounce of strength faded as she closed the door and she leaned forward on it and closed her eyes.

>>>>>>>

Harry stopped the car a few blocks from Cassy's house. His heart was heavy and it showed in his face. He didn't know whether to be heartsick or angry over the situation.

"Why didn't I see it?" Harry punched the steering wheel before getting out and walking slowly towards the beach. As much as he hated to admit it, Cassy's point of view had merit. And as much as he never wanted to believe it, he had blamed Cassy for leaving Tom, he had believed it was because of her inability to trust and open up that had led to the demise of the marriage. Oh, he knew that Tom could be infuriating and stubborn and hated to be wrong, and he also knew that Tom had some complicity in the demise of the marriage, but deep down he had to admit that he felt that Cassy had given up too easily and had been too unwilling to compromise. Cassy was right about people viewed her, she was more self aware than he had given her credit for, structured and strong. And the thing of it was that Harry knew better. Harry had seen her sensitive and sympathetic side, even when she tried to hide it. He should have looked for more answers to the demise of the marriage, but he had been afraid to pry.

Half an hour after leaving the car Harry had a sudden urge to go home and see what Frannie had to say about things.

End of Chapter 4


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Tuesday, May 18, 1999  
Palm Beach, Florida

"What's wrong?" Frannie asked as soon as her husband entered the living room where she was finishing up a letter to a friend.

"I just came back from Cassy's." Harry sat down on the couch next to his wife.

"She's moving to Houston?" Frannie put her hand on his knee, Harry slipped his hand into his wife's, accepting her silent offer of comfort. "Knowing Cassy you weren't able to talk her out of it."

"No, and to top things off I found Tom sitting outside her house when I arrived. I had to tell him why I was there." Harry closed his eyes.

"He didn't storm in did he?" Frannie asked worriedly.

"No. In fact I may have inspired him to take control of the situation instead of sitting outside her house and mooning."

"I think that's a good idea. He's wasted enough time pouting and trying to make her jealous." Frannie seemed pleased with the prospect.

"An hour ago I would have agreed with you." Harry sighed.

"What changed your mind?" she asked.

"I went in there to change Cassy's mind and she might have changed mine."

"What..." Frannie sounded worried.

"Cassy laid it all on the table for me. I've never seen her like this, never. She...she told me why she left Tom and why she found his words so credible. She really doesn't believe that he loves her," Harry informed his wife.

"That's ridiculous!" Frannie said in disbelief.

"I don't know..." Harry sounded uncertain.

"What did she tell you that could possibly make you believe that?" Frannie practically dared him.

"She didn't say that he didn't love her or care for her, she said that he doesn't love her unconditionally. That he could never accept her for who she is and how she is, that he was always trying to change her. That his refusal to let Virginia go was just an extreme example of how he falls in love with someone and then tries to make her into what he imagines. It made sense, Frannie. Somehow when she said it, it made sense," Harry told her.

"If Tom didn't love her unconditionally they wouldn't be partners now," Frannie countered logically. "And she can't compare Tom being taken in by that...con woman to their relationship!"

"I've heard Tom tell Cassy many times how she should behave," Harry offered weakly.

"Just as she does to him, just as we do to each other. That doesn't mean we don't still love each other despite what we might perceive as flaws, or because of them," Frannie reminded her husband. "I think that Tom and Cassy need to grow up and learn what unconditional love is and isn't. It has always seemed to me that they both have some pretty unrealistic ideas about love and respect and trust. I think you and I have sat by the sidelines waiting for them to come around long enough. I think it's time we help them see the light before it's too late!" Frannie's eyes took on the glint that anyone who knew her could see she was planning something.

"If anyone can do it, you can." Harry sounded relieved to have his wife on the matter. He couldn't let Cassy just walk away and he couldn't bear to see Tom hurt again. They were almost his children after all.

>>>>>>>

"Nice place, and you finally have a bedroom! Privacy is a good thing." Claudia St. John didn't bother to wait for her former brother-in-law's formal invitation before walking past him into his new apartment.

"Hi Claudia." Tom crossed his arms and watched as she made a cursory inspection of the place. "Does it meet with your approval?"

"It's liveable. Your last place had a definite charm, but this is more adult." Claudia smirked to belie the seriousness of her assessment. "Close the door and come on in."

"Thanks for the invitation." Tom smiled ironically.

"I'm glad to see you can still smile. I've always thought you had a nice smile." Claudia looked at Tom fondly.

"Thanks kiddo." Tom took his former sister into his arms. "I'm glad you're here for Cass."

"I just can't believe she wants me, or anyone around. You know how she normally is when she's hurting. You really broke something in her Tom, she's gathering people around her. Well, for Cass anyway. Did you know she spent a few weeks with Evelyn?" Claudia sounded like she still couldn't believe her sister had gone running to their mother in a time of trouble.

"How is she?" Tom asked in a suddenly hoarse voice.

"She's strange Tom, even for Cassy. Don't get me wrong, Cassy is not sitting around pouring her heart out to me or anything, but the fact that she wants me around is itself strange." Claudia sat down on the couch and waited for Tom to sit down himself before continuing. "She told me what you said and she sounded...almost vindicated. As if she had been waiting for confirmation. It scares me how calm she seems about everything. She's just picking up and moving to Houston once the IA hearings are over."

"Harry mentioned that to me." Tom dipped his head down. "I'm trying to figure out how to stop her, how I can make her believe that I didn't mean what I said. To make her..."

"To make her what Tom? Trust you? Love you? You're just coming out of a serious relationship that ended tragically and you're still dealing with the repercussions. You might make her believe that you didn't mean what you said, but then what? It's going to be a hard sell to make her believe you've always loved her and that you two are meant to be together," Claudia pointed out.

Tom opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"That's what you were going to say wasn't it? That you want to be her husband again and make it work this time?" Claudia asked him.

"I really..."

"Oh come on Tom! How much time are you going to waste? You two are not getting any younger you know. And in another ten years you'll be too old to have kids. This is just ridiculous. You love her. She loves you. It's time you both grew up. You trust each other with your lives but you can't trust each other with your hearts? You'd think with parents like yours you would know better. At least my sister has the excuse of not having grown up with an example of love and marriage," Claudia spoke as if she was talking to a slow person.

Tom closed his eyes and digested her words.

"I've come here to help you and my sister put an end to this nonsense and I only have another week and a half to do it. After that I'll be gone and my sister will be on her way to Houston," Claudia pointed out. "Is your pride really worth all that much?"

"It's not pride," Tom argued.

"No? Why didn't you compromise on anything during your marriage? Why didn't you sweep her off her feet after she left you? Why didn't you tell her you loved her and convince her you two could make it work any time in the past three years?" Claudia challenged him.

"I tried to get her back after she left," Tom reminded her.

"Telling her how much she hurt you wasn't really a very smart strategy," Claudia countered. "Telling her that maybe she was entitled to treat where you two lived as a home and not your bachelor pad that she was invading might have been a start. Have you ever noticed that the more stubborn and unstructured you try to be the more structured and stiff she gets? It's a vicious cycle."

"Why does everything have to be her way?" Tom asked.

"Did she ever try and make you do everything her way, at least until you challenged her on things that were important to her and might not have been so important to you? I'm not saying she's the easiest person in the world to live with, but maybe she's worth it? Or maybe you really don't love her?"

"She's worth it, Claudia." Tom rubbed the back of his neck wearily.

"What about Virginia Tom?" Claudia leaned forward and asked in a low tone.

Tom's body froze at the question. "What do you mean?" he asked through a suddenly dry mouth.

"I mean, what she did was horrible, but you loved her or who you thought she was. Do you really still love my sister?" Claudia had to ask, she knew her sister would ask the same thing.

'Yes," Tom answered hoarsely and without hesitation. "Yes I do."

'Then stop playing the dumb jock Tom and find some way to make my sister come around." Claudia grasped his hand in hers.

"I've been sitting here trying to figure out where to start Claudia. I have no idea how to make her say. I've never been good at making Cass change her mind. Do you have any suggestions?" Tom asked hopefully.

"I think I might." Claudia smiled.

"By the way, how did you find this address?" Tom asked.

"I found it in Cassy's organizer." Claudia revealed.

"Really?" Tom sounded hopeful.

"Yeah, that's why I thought you might have a shot at changing her mind." Claudia nodded.

"She won't even answer my calls." Tom sighed.

"But she sits by the phone listening to your message as you speak. And then she plays it over and over again," Claudia told him.

Tom smiled and shook his head. That was just like her. She acted so tough, but inside she was more sensitive and emotional than he ever could be. Maybe he did have a shot after all.

>>>>>>>>

Cassy watched as Harry drove away from her apartment. She could tell by his deportment that her revelations had come as a shock. She'd always known that everyone always looked on Tom as the injured party and her as the heartless and repressed bitch. No matter how much that hurt, she had always refused to defend herself. Part of it was pride, but part of it was loyalty to Tom. He hadn't done anything wrong, they just didn't belong together. She could take the censorious looks and curious looks, she knew that Tom wasn't as thick-skinned. Now, he deserved to understand why she was leaving and it was all tied up in all the whys of the past.

Why she had given up.

Why she had so easily agreed to be his partner and make it work.

Why she had weakened for a short time early on and flirted with the idea of rekindling their romantic relationship.

Why she was leaving now.

"Oh God." Cassy felt a tearing pain in her chest at the thought. It was like she was being physically rend from a part of her soul. She was a strong woman, she knew that, but she really wasn't sure what kind of life she could build without him in it. Could she ever love another man half as much as she loved him? Could she ever trust another man? She didn't know. All she was sure of was that she couldn't stay there and watch Tom either destroy himself or find love with someone else. Either prospect was guaranteed to decimate what was left of her heart and soul.

Harry might have walked away without trying to urge her to stay, but she knew that Frannie and Claudia weren't done. Then there was Tom. He hadn't stopped calling her since the day he got out on bail. When her answering machine had gotten full he had left messages on her cell phone and he was bound to show up at her door any time now.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back to work!" she told herself, shaking off her uncharacteristically introspective mood. She had to be prepared for the eventuality. Walking around listing her regrets wasn't going to make it any easier. Packing boxes and being ready to leave would!

With the pep talk done, she picked up a roll of packing tape and headed for the kitchen.

>>>>>>>

"She shouldn't have even touched him," a woman's voice spoke.

"Yeah, whatever lady. I don't want to hear your shit. Just give me the money," a young man's voice said in a bored tone.

"You're just like him. You'll get the rest of your money when the job's done," the woman's pitch rose with anger.

"You mess with me, you'll get whatever I give them," the man warned.

"You think I don't know where to find more like you? Anything happens to me..." she warned back.

"Fine lady, whatever. How about a bonus?" a man's named torso comes into view. He turns so that he can be seen from the side.

A hand with long, red fingernails slides up his side. A female body clad in red lingerie presses against the man's front. Long black hair slips over his shoulder. His hand slides down and cups her bottom and presses her tighter against his hips.

"I think maybe we can arrange a little early bonus," the woman purrs.

End of Chapter 5


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Monday, May 24, 1999  
9:00 AM

"You all right? You ready?" Harry asked Tom as they stood waiting to enter the hearing for the beginning of the Internal Affairs hearing.

"No and no, but I don't have much choice in the matter," Tom grumbled. The only saving grace of this situation was that he had convinced his mother and father to stay in Boston and not come down for the hearing to lend his support. As much as he'd like the support, he couldn't bear the thought of his mother hearing all of the gory details that were going to be hashed around over the next couple of days. It was bad enough Cassy was going to be present for most of it.

The flurry in Tom's stomach at the thought of finally seeing Cassy almost made him glad that she had been forced to testify and belied his instinctive desire to spare her the ordeal. It had been over a month since he had last seen her. He knew that she had been in town since early last week, but she had refused to return any of his calls. He had been too afraid to try and barge his way into her house though. From what her sister Claudia and Harry had both told him he admitted that was probably a good thing.

It wasn't until Harry finally told him what Cassy had said, after much insisting on Tom's part, that Tom had come to realize just how deep the rift he and Cassy was. How deep it had been since their marriage, actually. And just how much damage his angry and thoughtless words had done. Everyone, Harry, Franny, his father, tried to tell him that in order to put his relationship with Cassy back together they needed to pull everything apart. But they didn't know Cassy like he did. Cassy couldn't handle messy. If she couldn't clean it up she would walk away. Their brief marriage was proof of that.

As his hand reach the handle of the door something in the end of his peripheral vision caught his eye. Instinctively he turned his head and found himself looking into a pair of beautiful blue eyes. His breath caught in his throat. He couldn't remember when he had seen Cassy looking so beautiful, she was practically glowing. She wore a brown, professional looking suit that, rather than making her look dark, seemed to enhance the color of her hair and made her skin look like it was glowing. He attempted to breath past the lump in his throat and figure out what to say at the same time.

"Hello Thomas, good luck," Cassy spoke first, her eyes clear and unflinching as she looked into his eyes. "I think you'd better get inside."

"Uh, yeah, thanks, hi," Tom said stupidly. All week he had been running over the possible scenarios for this scene and how he would react. Sounding like a bumbling school boy was not one of the options he had prepared.

"Good morning Cassy, you look lovely," Harry said smoothly from behind him.

Tom simultaneously muffled a groan and felt Harry kick him on the back of the leg to get him moving. Embarrassed, Tom pulled open the door and rushed inside. Somehow, his nervousness about the hearing had disappeared. Everything was relative after all. The sunny looking blond woman was the more difficult challenge to a happy future.

>>>>>>>>>

Cassy bared suppressed a grimace as she caught sight of Charlene Ballard and her puppet Ed Burmeister. 'It's a good thing I don't have my good or else I might just...' Cassy thought ominously as she slid into a seat as far from the two officers as possible. As far as Cassy was concerned they were the ones ho should be on IA's hot seat now, not herself and Tom. If they had run the investigation right the officers on the scene would have found the not-very-well hidden weapon. If they had listened to Tom and ran the investigation right...'you might never have found out Tom doesn't love you,' she reminded herself, tempering some of her anger towards the incompetent and self-serving officers.

"Hello Cassy, do you mind if I sit with you?" Frannie Lipshitz was for once looking down at her.

"Not at all." Cassy and her attorney slid down and left open the two aisle seats. "This is my attorney John Masters, this is Frannie Lipshitz a good friend and wife of Captain Lipshitz."

Frannie and the man exchanged greetings while Frannie settled into her seat. After placing her handbag on over the back of her chair Frannie looked closely at Cassy's face, obviously not missing the tension that Cassy was trying to hide. Both women knew that this was the first time Cassy had seen Tom since his arrest. What Frannie didn't know was that Tom and Cassy had _seen _each other one more time before she had left town. Cassy shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"I'm sure everything will be fine. You and Tom are good and honest cops." Frannie pretended to be oblivious to Cassy's discomfort. "You two will be back out there before you know it."

"Frannie, I'm sure Harry told you that I'm leaving Palm Beach. Ryan and I will not be doing anything together again, but I hope you're right. He doesn't deserve this," Cassy said charitably.

"Neither do you, but Harry and I are here for you. You know that don't you?" Frannie asked.

"Yes, I do, thanks." Cassy smiled at her friend.

"St. John." Harry sat down next his wife and slid his arm around her shoulders in greeting.

"Hi, Harry." Cassy looked at her former captain warily. They hadn't spoken since she had informed him of her decision to take the job in Houston. Before either could delve further into conversation the Internal Affairs board members entered the small hearing room. She could visibly see Tom's shoulder's square as he sat at the front of the room just in front of the board's head table. Her own shoulders stiffened as her gaze touched upon Tom's attorney Sara Meyer.

Cassy and her own attorney had met with the woman last Thursday to go over their statements and the questions Cassy might have to face from the IA board members at Tom's hearing. Tom, thankfully, had not been present at the session. Cassy had a feeling that he knew that Cassy didn't want to see him and whether it had been because his butt was on the line or he was being respectful of her feelings she didn't care. She had just been relieved.

The chairman of the board began to speak, interrupting her disturbing study of her ex-husband and soon to be ex-partner.

"As all of you gathered here are aware, this is a very unusual situation. In many of our cases, unfortunately, there are very clear violations of the law and regulations that we attempt to deal with. Some are major and some are minor," Lydia Nash spoke in a clear voice that reached everyone in the small room.

Cassy's gaze shifted towards Ballard at those words. Her partner's _murder_ of his wife was certainly one of those easy cases, even though Ballard was unable to accept that Tony DiFalco had not only broken the law, he had broken the trust with his partner.

"In this case, however, we have two very good cops..."

Cassy looked up in surprise at the reference to herself. Her hearing wasn't scheduled until after Tom's.

"...who through the illegal and intelligent manipulations of third parties were thrown into a situation they could not have anticipated. Exacerbating that situation, unfortunately, was the personal prejudice of the officer who was assigned to lead the investigation. That prejudice and the substandard investigation that it caused and the loyalty and tenacity of the two cops whose positions are under question here today led to some not very positive results except to highlight the prejudicial handling of the initial investigation and the depth of the perfidy of the conmen and manipulators that bring us here today. After due consideration of statements and evidence the Board has decided that Sergeant Ryan and Sergeant St. John should have their cases disposed of in one hearing instead of dragging it out any longer. The Board has also decided that Detectives Ballard and Burmeister are to be placed on suspension as of now. Their cooperation in this hearing is still expected and their hearings will be scheduled when this one is complete."

Cassandra almost jumped out of her seats and whooped at the look of shock on Ballard and Burmeister's faces. Cassy, in a long ingrained move, looked over to see what her partner's reaction to these surprising statements were. Tom was looking back at her, his eyes were glittering with tempered gloating. Cassy's own smile faded as she remembered that their own careers were still in question.

"Mr. Masters, I understand you are Sergeant St. John's attorney, is your client prepared to proceed today? I apologize for this sudden change," Captain Nash asked.

"Yes, we're ready." John stood up and ushered his client past the Lipshitz's to seats next to Tom and his attorney. Cassy couldn't help but look at Tom who was sitting so close to her now, luckily her attorney was seated between them.

"That being taken care of, we do not want to give the impression that we approve of the behavior exhibited by Sergeants Ryan or St. John. Mr. Ryan had been under investigation and should not have left the jurisdiction. Ms. St. John was ordered to not interfere with the investigation into those events," Captain David Turow addressed the room.

Cassy bit her bottom lip. She had admitted in her statement to having gone to the Island and warned Tom to leave. She could practically see that fact floating like a dark cloud over her head.

"We also have an admission from Ms. St. John that she warned her partner that IA was on its way to pick him up, but Sergeant Ryan also states that she tried to talk him into returning with her and he did voluntarily return to the jurisdiction and she did call the investigating officers to pick him up. The emotional nature of these events cannot be denied nor can it be denied that the Palm Beach Police Department does not have the authority to arrest people outside their jurisdiction. Ballard and Burmeister's presence on the Island, therefore, in a court of law would have to be ignored. This is not a court of law, however, and we are not so bound by those same technicalities, our job here is to determine if these officers are worthy to continue as such with our department and what if any disciplinary actions should be taken."

"As my colleague so artfully pointed out," Captain Turow continued, "The investigation into the initial events was sloppy, prejudicial and a shame to our Department. Both St. John and Ryan have impeccable records and both have served as investigators of this Board during their career. In fact, it was one of those cases that led to the sloppy investigation we refer to. It has been previously declared by this Board and a subsequent police investigation that the shooting by Sergeant Ryan was justified. It has also been determined that Mr. Ryan was set up by his fiancé to commit that shooting of her husband in order to obtain insurance proceeds on his life."

"Sergeant Ryan was subsequently suspended and ordered to stay away from the investigation. However, the tenacity of Ryan, his partner and his Captain are what led us to uncover the truth. While we do not agree with or condone the outright violation of orders in this case, we have found the circumstances more than justifiable. As such, without dragging this hearing on any further the Board is prepared to offer the two officers, in lieu of further hearing, reinstatement of their badges and to let the suspension they have already served be their punishment for disobeying orders and interfering with an investigation. We will adjourn for half an hour and allow the officers to confer with their attorneys. We will point out that if the officers wish to proceed and attempt to be cleared that further discipline might occur, or in the alternative they might clear themselves and be able to remove this blotch from their otherwise spotless records. We are sure their attorneys who are well familiar with these proceedings can advise them wisely."

With those words the board members exited the room.

Cassy sat back in her seat, stunned to her very core. She wouldn't have to sit through days of rehashing the terrible events. It didn't sit well with her having a blotch on her record, but she wouldn't be staying with the Palm Beach PD anyway. It wouldn't affect her record in Houston, that would be a clean start.

'But Tom would be,' a voice reminded her. He might want to fight this.

"Let's go speak privately." John put his hand on her arm and helped her stand up. Cassy glanced over again at Tom as John led out quickly into a private room next to the hearing room.

"So what do you think?" Cassy began to pace around the room.

"I think that you blatantly disregarded orders and that you will face discipline. As David pointed out you did try and warn your partner to flee. I think given the seriousness of the case that you would be lucky to get a month," John said frankly.

"What about Tom?" Cassy asked. "Since he's staying with the Department he might want to fight the charges. Do you think we could get them to split our hearings up?"

"They can't force you to have joint hearings, they just want to jointly avoid the hearings. I doubt Sara would advise Tom not to accept this deal. He's very lucky to only get a month and a half," John told her.

Cassy heaved a sigh of relief. If Tom wanted to clear his record she wouldn't stand in his way. For all the times he had stood up for her...Cassy stopped her thoughts in their tracks. Ever since she had laid eyes on Tom she could feel her armor melting. It was much easier to be heartless when she didn't have to be near him or see his soulful hazel eyes.

When did she get so weak, she couldn't help but question herself.

>>>>>>>>>

"I know you don't like giving up without a fight, but I don't think you're going to do any better. The board is being very sympathetic to you both. You know how unexpected this is. We were all prepared for a few days of testimony and questioning," Sara Meyer told her client.

Tom was sitting at the table in the interrogation room they had commandeered. He nodded absently at his lawyer's advice. He knew there was no way he was going to avoid having a mark on his record, he was just glad that Virginia hadn't cost him career entirely. "I'll accept their offer."

"And you wanted to hand in your resignation," Sara tried to tease her client and friend.

"I just...I can't...why is this happening?" Tom knew he should be relieved. He wasn't going to have to sit through this again or watch Cassy relive it and he wasn't going to lose his badge. If he wanted to continue with his career. The self-doubts that had plagued him since discovering that Virginia had succeeded in completely fooling him were coming back with a vengeance now that his immediate problems were being resolved. Maybe he still should hand in his resignation.

And do what? Maybe go back to Boston and work in his father's restaurant. Cassy was leaving anyway.

"Tom." Sara put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Things are already working out. You can't give up now."

"I appreciate everything you've done. I know you worked hard with IA to make things come out like this." Tom sighed and looked up.

"Then don't throw away your career. You're a good cop Tom. I know that, I've worked against you in many a case. I know you think my work is unsavory, but we both work to protect the rights this country affords us. You're one of the good ones, we can't afford to lose you. Virginia did a number on you Tom, but you weren't the first. It doesn't make you any less a cop, just a trusting, romantic man. If you weren't so in love with your partner I'd join the queue for your hand." Sara's blush almost matched the short red hair resting on her cheek.

"Thanks, Sara, that does a lot for my ego," Tom chuckled at her blatant attempt to flatter him.

"Just remember I charge by the hour if you ever need some ego stroking." Sara winked.

"I think women is something that I'm going to give up for a while, possibly for the rest of my life," Tom sighed and crossed his arms across his chest. "I guess we'll take the deal and I'll move on with my life. Think I can get them to throw in some paid vacation so I can go visit my parents and assure them I'm still somewhat sane?" Tom asked hopefully.

"That's what makes you a good cop Tom, you got gall and tenacity." Sara held the door open for her client.

"Don't forget my good looks." Tom winked at her as he walked past her.

>>>>>>>>

"Thomas," Cassy breathed and stepped back from the man she had almost collided with in the hallway. She looked up at his sparkling hazel eyes and her breath caught in her throat. It had been so long since she had seen the light and humor. Since he had met Virginia actually. Once that relationship had begun he had pulled back and looked wary around her. Even before the engagement news had been dropped she had already felt as if she had lost him.

"Cass," Tom greeted. His voice sent shivers down her spine. "This has worked out better than I had expected. I...can we speak alone for a minute?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes." Cassy nodded after a moment's hesitation. "John, Sara, we'll be right back."

"Take your time, we still have another fifteen minutes," John assured them.

Tom guided Cassy back into the room he had just vacated.

"You're not going to fight the charges?" Cassy asked when the door had closed behind them.

"No. I don't want any of us to have to go through this. I doubt I could do better than this. What about you? You didn't really do anything wrong. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to apologize for dragging you through this, for jeopardizing your career," Tom ran an agitated hand through his hair.

"It wasn't your fault Tom." Cassy walked past him so he couldn't see her face. Maybe some part of her blamed him for being weak and blind about that woman, but she wanted to walk away from this clean.

"I know you don't believe that. You never accept or forgive weakness. Not in yourself and not in me. I just hope someday you can forgive me for letting my weakness affect you," Tom bit out, suddenly angry at her again. One wrong step and you might as well walk the plank on the pirate ship that was Cassy. Never forget or forgive. Never understand.

"If you're so sorry why are you attacking me?" Cassy whirled around, forgetting her vow to remain untouched, her eyes shooting blue flames.

"I...shit," Tom's shoulders slumped. "Can we talk this out?"

"Talk what out?" Cassy looked up at him as she regained control over herself.

"This, us, everything!" Tom threw his hands into the air.

"There is nothing to discuss and there is no 'us'." Cassy stood her ground. "Take a vacation. Go spend some time with your parents. You're as tightly coiled as I've ever seen you."

"You mean leave town so you can pack up and take off without me bothering you. I know about Houston. I don't know how you can walk away after all these years. Just wipe your hands and move on as if nothing every happened. As if our relationship, partnership, friendship never meant anything to you," Tom accused.

"Funny that you should say that." Cassy's face tightened into smug mask.

"I never meant it Cassy. Why won't you believe me? Doesn't over ten years of trust and friendship mean more to you than five minutes of insanity?" Tom's pleaded.

"No more than those same years and experiences meant to you when you chose her over me. I'm glad that this is working out for you. I'm not going to fight the futile fight, any of them. I'm moving on with my life, I suggest you do the same. The connection between us is over," Cassy said quietly before leaving the room.

"If it's so over how did she knew she'd find me at the station that night?" Tom asked the empty room. "Why did she make love to me?" It couldn't just be goodbye.

>>>>>>

"I am saving him for something special. We have a few messages to send first." The woman carelessly slipped out of the bed to stand by the sliding glass door.

"You call those messages?" The man in the bed asked as his eyes feasted over her naked body highlighted by the morning sun.

"Well, warnings?" She laughed throatily as she conceded his point. "So don't you think this is the right way to do this?"

"I just don't see why others have to get hurt when they're not the ones you want, that's all I'm saying." He stood up and walked over to stand behind her.

"But you enjoy it so much, I'm just thinking of you," she purred as his hands closed over her breasts.

"And I'm thinking of you now." She reached back and grabbed a hold of his erection. "Hmmm, I knew you would get a rise out of this plan."

>>>>>

Back at the Police Department building a young boy placed a Cala lily on the table where the subjects of the hearing would be resuming their seats in another few minutes. His actions went unnoticed by the groups of attorneys and cops standing around and trying to avoid the press.

End of Chapter 6


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
Palm Beach Police Department Headquarters

Cassy shrugged back the despondency that was fighting to break through her determinedly positive facade she had adopted for the day. Tom's question had hit a sore spot and she knew she had evaded answering him directly.

'Given up you mean,' an insistent voice in her head reminded her.

How many times had Cassy said hurtful things to Tom, things she hadn't meant? She couldn't even count and he had always forgiven her. But none of them were a denial of her love for him; not even when she left him had she denied her love.

'The first time you gave up,' that same annoying voice piped up.

Cassy continued blindly down the hall back towards the hearing room. She was oblivious to the press or the other interested onlookers who tried to stop her for questions. Years of explanations and justifications suddenly seemed to be crashing down around her ears.

Should she forgive him for what he said? Should she believe that he hadn't meant it even though he had said it and repeated it? Could she trust him? Did she ever really trust his love? An insistent ache in the region of her chest seemed to illustrate that she never had. Could she now? Should she? Did he want her to?

"Stop it!" Cassy mumbled under her breath. She wasn't used to these self doubts. She had made her decision to leave, to move on, and she had never backed down from a decision. 'It's not running away!' the inner battle continued.

She walked into the hearing room and paused. There was a roaring in her ears and the voices around her seemed to be coming from far away.

"Are you all right?" John was suddenly by her side. He took her elbow and led her towards the table at the front of the room. He helped her into a seat and took her cold hands into his. "You're as white as a sheet. What happened?"

Cassy closed her eyes and shook her head. She took in a few deep breaths and felt her nerves settle down. "I'm fine. Too much stress," she shrugged, wondering once again why all this emotional distress was overwhelming her. Was leaving Tom...

"I wonder where these came from?" John's query interrupted her internal reverie. Cassy looked up and saw him holding two yellow Cala Lilies. "They must be a present for you."

"Not necessarily," Cassy murmured as she took the offered flowers from him. "Where did these come from?"

"I swear Cass, I had nothing to do with this. Beau," John called over the hearing room guard, a uniformed officer. "Do you know where these came from?"

"No John, an admirer must have left them for you Cass. Probably a show of support." Beau smiled and winked.

"Must be, thank you." Cass stroked the soft petals. She knew for sure that these weren't a gift from Tom. Even if they had been on good terms, he had never given her lilies. Only one man had ever given her flowers like these and that was someone long before him. "Maybe these are for Tom?" Cassy mused out loud. Despite her question, though, she found it highly unlikely that even he was involved with someone so soon after Virginia.

"Where are those from?" Sara Meyer asked as she and her stoic looking client appeared to take their seats.

"Seems someone at this table has a secret admirer." Cassy looked questioningly at Tom. He shrugged and looked away.

"They're beautiful, but I doubt they're for me. Yellow really isn't my color." Sara grinned.

"I always thought yellow looked pretty with red hair of your shade. Why don't we share?" Cassy offered her one of the fresh buds.

"Thanks." Sara accepted a flower.

Just as their exchange finished, the board members began to file into the room and the room quieted.

A few minutes later Captain Turow asked whether the officers had decided.

Sara and John had apparently organized their responses and Sara stood up. "Both officers accept the Board's offer and thank the Board for their leniency and generosity."

After a few more minutes of statements by the Board and verbal confirmations by Ryan and St. John the hearing was officially closed.

"Next door, now!" Harry Lipshitz ordered the two officers.

"One minute back on the job," Tom mumbled good naturedly and, as was his habit, he looked towards his partner for her response.

Cassy's hand tightened around the flower she still held. Despite the fact that she had already informed him of her resignation, however, she couldn't refuse the authority in "her Captain's" voice. "I'll be right there," Cassy said quietly before turning to thank her attorney for his hard work on her behalf.

"Cassy, I'd say it was a pleasure, but I hope never to represent you in this capacity again. I'd much rather interview you as the arresting officer of one of my other clients, that is if you reconsider and stay in Palm Beach," John Masters told her.

"I don't think so, but thank you." Cassy shook his hand and watched him work his way through the crowd. Then she took a deep breath and followed in Tom's wake to see what Harry wanted.

>>>>>>>

"She shared it with that other woman," the boy told the man who had just slipped him a fifty dollar bill.

"That's all right, she'll still get the message," the man shrugged and shooed the boy away. His eyes were inscrutable under his sunglasses. His black hair glinted in the sun as he stood outside the Police Department Headquarters building.

>>>>>>

"I want you two in bright and early tomorrow. No more wallowing in self pity we have work to do," Harry said in his best "I'm the Captain and you have to listen to me" tone.

"Does this mean you've taken your job back?" Tom asked, amusement curving his lips.

"Damn right it does," Harry confirmed and looked at St. John with raised eyebrows over his glasses.

"Does that have anything to do with the offer we got today?" Cassy asked.

"Hmmph. I told them if they wanted me to run their division they'd better let me run their division," Harry said. "Well, young lady?"

"I already gave you my resignation Harry." Cassy avoided looking at Tom.

Harry waved his hand. "I wasn't your superior at the time, doesn't count. I'm asking you to reconsider."

"I thought you were telling me." Cassy rolled her eyes. Despite her discomfort at discussing this in front of Tom and the difficulty of having to tell Harry once again of her intention, she couldn't help but be touched.

"I'll put in a bad word for you in Houston, your stepfather notwithstanding." They all knew the threat was empty. "You're my best team. You can put your personal problems aside for the work. I know you can. At least until I find a replacement partner for Ryan here. That might take a while though."

"Replacement, hmm, where have I heard that before." Tom rolled his eyes, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "You might as well give in. He's relentless."

Cassy looked up at Tom, her blue eyes inscrutable. She opened her mouth to speak and then her cellular phone rang.

Chirrp

Cassy sighed and pulled out her phone, relieved at the interruption. She flipped it open and saw her sister's phone number in the caller id. "Claudia, probably calling to see how the hearing went," Cassy said by way of explanation before turning away and walking a few steps.

"Hey Claud." She wandered further away.

"It's not going to work Harry," Tom said, his eyes never leaving Cassy's figure.

"I've heard _that_ before," Harry reminded him.

As Tom watched the cala lily dropped from Cassy's hand.

"...murdered..." he heard her say in a strange voice, the likes of which he had never heard from her. Then he watched in horror as she began to crumble before his eyes. In a flash he was behind her. His arm slipped around her waist and he pulled her back against him to prevent her from falling.

Harry took the slipping phone from her fingers.

"Claudia, you're sister is about to faint. What's going on?" Harry spoke as Tom began to murmur in Cassy's ear.

"Cassy, what happened?" he repeated as he helped her to a sitting position on a nearby folding chair. He took in her pale features and pushed her head down between her legs. "Take deep breaths."

He kneeled down in front of her and pushed her hair away from her face.

"I'm all right," Cassy said in a shaky voice a minute later and she began to sit up.

Tom slowed her down, studying her face to make sure she should be sitting up so soon.

"What happened?" Tom's hands continued to hold her hair back. He could feel her tremble beneath his touch.

Tears sprang to Cassy's eyes and he could see she was struggling to hold them back. Then her eyes seemed transfixed by something on the floor. Tears began to slide down her cheeks as she bent down and lifted the now crushed flower from the floor.

"Patrick..." Cassy gasped out, unable to take her eyes from the flower.

Just then Harry thrust a glass of water between them. Cassy took the drink gratefully. After taking a few sips she seemed to have herself back under control.

"An old friend was murdered. It was just a shock. We haven't seen each other in years." Cassy stood up and began to pace. "But it was always comforting somehow knowing he was out there living a happy life," her voice broke on the last words.

"Who Cass," Tom asked gently.

"Patrick Jensen, Tom." Cassy looked up at Tom knowing he would understand who she was referring to.

"From high school." He took her hand in his as he recognized the name of her high school sweetheart. The football quarterback to her head cheerleader. Her homecoming king to her queen.

"He always gave me yellow flowers, especially cala lilies." Cassy looked at the flower in her hand. A shiver ran down her spine and she looked back up at the homicide detectives standing before her. As much as she tried to believe it, she doubted it was just a coincidence.

The looks on Tom and Harry's faces echoed her thoughts.

End Chapter 7


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
May 24, 1999  
Palm Beach Police Department

"Let's dispel this mystery, I'm going to find out if anyone saw who left those flowers," Harry told them.

"I already asked Beau Trager, he didn't see anyone," Cassy informed him. "Listen, I'm sure this is just a coincidence."

"I don't think that's a chance we should take. Patrick was murdered." Tom was still kneeling down in front of Cassy.

"I agree. You don't normally find flowers in an Internal Affairs hearing," Harry reminded her. "We'll take precautions."

"Precautions?" color returned to Cassy's face. "I need to make travel plans to get to Texas and I have...other things to do. I was just being...I was in shock." Cassy attempted to stand up and leave.

"Hold on." Tom stood up and blocked her from standing. "Give Harry a few minutes."

Cassy glared at Tom and looked away. It was clear from her posture that she believed they were just trying to find excuses to make her stay, but she wasn't going to engage them in an argument. She would play along for a while and then she would do what she wanted anyway.

"Five minutes then I'm leaving."

Harry and Tom exchanged a look before Harry left the room. Secure that she wouldn't be leaving until Harry got back, Tom physically backed off and went to stand on the other side of the room. Cassy stood up and unconsciously moved to the opposite corner.

"Stop looking at me," Cassy said a minute later.

Tom opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. He took a breath and then tried again. "Just because you don't want to believe this is connected to the murder doesn't mean it's not true," Tom said, a deeper message underlie his words.

"It's just a flower Tom. I've gotten flowers before. Besides we don't even know that these were for me," Cassy said rationally.

"Five minutes ago you didn't think so," Tom reminded her.

"I said that I wasn't thinking straight," Cassy snapped.

"When's the last time you spoke with him?" Tom asked in a suddenly sympathetic tone.

Cassy turned around and stared at the crushed flower she still held in her hand. "Probably about...right before you and I got married," she finally said in a low voice.

"How come?" Tom couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Because there are some relationships you need to leave in the past to move on."

Tom didn't respond to her pointed comment, but his face communicated the war of emotions he was battling. Anger, frustration, loss of hope, fear and sympathy all crossed his face within the space of a few seconds.

"No one saw anything," Harry announced with disgust as he walked back into the room. His face tightened in disgust as he saw Cassy and Tom standing in opposite corners. 'At least there's no blood or tears,' he thought ruefully.

"I'm going home." Cassy picked up her purse and slipped the strap on to her shoulder.

"I don't think you should go alone or unarmed." Harry pulled badges from his pocket. "Your guns are in my office."

"I don't need that." Cassy didn't move to take her badge.

"Take it and your gun, at least until we confirm that the flowers are just a coincidence," Harry said impatiently. "Tom, we'll meet you at my office."

Tom slipped his badge gratefully into his pocket and looked worriedly at the pair before slipping out the door to call his parents and tell them the good news.

"I know you think that you want to leave, but I've heard this from you before.," Harry waited until Cassy was seated before he began to tell her what he wanted to say. "I know you believe that Tom doesn't love you, maybe it makes you feel better to convince yourself of that. Safer. I don't know, but I know it's not true. I definitely know that he's a good friend and that you two are a great team. All I'm asking is that you take time now that you have your job back to think things through."

"All I've done over the past few weeks is think Harry, I'm not going to change my mind now!" Cassy ran a frustrated hand over her eyes and sat back. She was so tired of fighting everyone so that she could live her life how she chose.

"Then at least keep your job until you leave Palm Beach," Harry suggested.

"You don't think the flowers are a coincidence I take it. What is it, a hunch?" Cassy teased.

"Humor me," Harry shot her a look.

"You tease Tom about it enough," Cassy shrugged and smiled impishly.

"So do you," Harry reminded her.

>>>>>>

"Oh look," Harry slipped his glasses to his nose and began to read a telephone message. "A dead body. They must have known!"

Tom and Cassy looked warily at each other.

"Listen Harry, I need to make arrangements to leave town. The funeral is in two days," Cassy reminded him.

"So get the case solved before then and make reservations on your way to this address." Harry passed the slip of paper to Tom. "You're not going to sit around and mope for two days are you? You need to work. Now git, shoo!"

Tom and Cassy suddenly found themselves on the other side of Harry's door and looking at each other warily. Cassy sighed and went to her desk to retrieve her holster. She didn't have anything better to do since she had planned the next few days for the hearing.

"I'm driving." she looked up at her soon-to-be-ex-partner daring him to say something.

"Fine." Tom couldn't contain his grin. Suddenly things weren't looking so bad. He had his badge and gun back and Cassy was back at his side. This time he wouldn't let it all go so easily.

>>>>>>>  
1.5 hours later

"We've been had." Cassy glared at the windshield of her Boxster two hours later.

"I would agree with that assessment." Tom couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. He _was_ annoyed at Harry for sending them out to what was clearly the scene of a suicide, but it _was_ a scene and he _was _with his partner. He didn't think he had the right to complain all that much since he had been afraid he'd never be doing this again.

"But you're pleased." Cassy turned a looked at him for the first time since they had left the police station.

"Come on, Cassy, you have to admit that there could have at least been some question as to whether this was a murder or not. Maybe Harry wanted us to ease back into the job? Or we just happened to be there when he got the message? Either way someone would have to go out and make sure there was no evidence of foul play, why not us? I'm just glad to have my badge back." Tom shrugged good-naturedly.

"So we can investigate suicides?" Cassy snapped as she turned the key in the ignition.

Tom put his hand over hers as she moved to put the car into gear. Cassy turned and glared at him. "When is the last time you smiled?" Tom asked her quietly.

Her eyes widened and filled before she looked away to hide her reaction.

"Get out of my car." Cassy turned back around, her eyes full of fire, her lips tight with rage.

"Cass..."

"Get out of my car and out of my life!" she repeated.

Tom studied her eyes for a few seconds more before slightly nodding his head and getting out of the car. He could get a ride with one of the uniforms back to the station. He just wasn't so sure she should be driving.

"Cass..." before he could finish what he was going to say she peeled out of the driveway of the ocean-side house and drove away, taking advantage of the engine of the Porsche.

Torn between sadness and frustration, Tom let humor win. A smile curved his lips as he imagined the hapless officer who pulled her over to give her a traffic ticket. Suddenly his expression sobered as he remembered the jarring news she had received that morning. Suddenly in a hurry, he turned and jogged to find a uniform who could take him back to his car.

>>>>>>

Miraculously, Cassy made it back to her townhouse without being stopped by the cops for speeding. Her disposition, however, hadn't improved much with the realization.

'How dare he ask me how long it's been since I smiled!' she fumed as she turned the alarm on her car and headed for her front door from the carport.

'Since you told me you were marrying someone else,' her memory reminded her. 'That's why you didn't want to answer him.'

"What is wrong with me? I never let him get to me like this?" she mumbled as she turned off her alarm and put her key in the door. As the door slid open Cassy felt prickles on the back of neck. Her had automatically reached down and pulled out her gun. With one finger she took off the safety and then slowly began to push the door open the rest of the way. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary she continued slowly into the residence. Before she could check to see if anyone was out of the range of her sight she was grabbed from behind. A cloth covered her mouth and squeezed the hand carrying the gun, a shot rang out. Unable to breath Cassy began to feel dizzy and her hand opened and the weapons was taken.

Hazily she heard the door slam behind her. As stars began to explode before her eyes she realized that the sickening smell was probably chloroform. She tried to control her desperation and stop breathing as she heard her purse fall to the floor. Suddenly a hand was groping at her breast through her shirt.

"We don't have time for that!" a strident female voice said from a distance. Cassy tried to look for the speaker.

"You promised!" the man holding her protested.

"The neighbors probably heard the shot..."

Everything went black.

>>>>>>

On the way back to the station Tom called Harry on his cell phone and told him that he intended to go check up on Cassy. He also added a few choice words about the "case" they had been sent out on. As soon as they reached the parking lot Tom hotfooted it to his Mustang. As he pulled out onto the road he chuckled as he remembered that Cassy was now armed and wouldn't appreciate his showing up.

"Nothing I'm not used to," Tom reminded himself. Whatever Cassy was, she definitely made life exciting. "I won't let that go!" his expression sobered. Their first case definitely lacked inspiration. He had hoped for a case that he and Cassy could sink their teeth into and would last a while. He knew she would never walk away from an unfinished case.

A few minutes later pulled into the driveway behind Cassy's car. He remained in the car for a few minutes steeling himself for Cassy's resistance to his appearance. He wasn't going to let her shut him out this time.

Tom noticed that her alarm was off again, something he was beginning to observe often happened when she was upset. He reached up to ring the bell when he noticed that the door was slightly ajar. 'Cassy would never be that upset,' his hand reached for his gun. She might slam the door, but she would _never _leave it open. Quietly he pushed the door open and he placed both of his hands on his weapon and waited a few seconds before entering. His eyes took in the sight of Cassy's purse and the crushed lily by the door. 'Funeral flowers,' he suddenly thought.

His heart pounding he looked around and didn't see anyone. Sensing movement out of the corner of his eyes he turned and pointed the gun towards the living room. He let out the breath he was holding when he saw it was a curtain blowing in front of the open patio door.

Still advancing slowly he continued to look around. At the foot of the stairs he saw a handkerchief lying on the floor. Cassy did not carry "reusable rags" as she politely called them with disgust. Someone else had to be here.

He fought the urge to call out Cassy's name. There was no guarantee that whomever had interrupted Cassy's entrance wasn't still here.

Suddenly he began to hear the sound of distant police sirens.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. If someone was still there and held Cassy they might panic. Speeding up his advance he took the stairs two and a time. Breathing heavily, his gun still held out in front of him he looked for signs of intruders and Cassy as he advanced down the short hallway.

He reached Cassy's bedroom and saw that the door was half ajar. Tightening his grip on his gun he reached out with his right hand and pushed the door open.

Cassy was there all right. And she wasn't alone.

End Chapter 8


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Sir?" a young uniformed officer opened Captain Lipshitz's door.

"Don't you knock?" Harry berated the young man.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I thought you would want to know that there's been a report of a gun shot at Sergeant St. John's residence," he said in a shaky voice.

"Damned right I do!" Harry stood up and grabbed his jacket and flew out from behind his desk. He couldn't help but remember that Tom had gone over there and that the ex-spouses were armed. "Drive me over there!" he ordered as more rational thoughts of the flowers occurred to him. He hoped that Tom hadn't walked into something he couldn't handle alone.

>>>>>>  
722 Hathaway Court

Tom walked further into Cassy's bedroom, his gun still pointed in front of him. Without stopping by Cassy's prone form on the bed, he opened the closet and then the bathroom in search of intruders. Finding none, he holstered his gun and kneeled down at Cassy's side. Pressing his fingers to her neck he was relieved to find a pulse.

"Cassy." He tried to wake her. Remembering the cloth at the foot of the stairs he realized she must have been drugged.

The police sirens were now right outside.

Cassy groaned.

"Cass, it's Tom, please wake up," he smoothed the hair off of her cheek and noticed a bruise on her cheek.

"Tom," she said hoarsely, her eyes fluttering open.

"Yes, Cass. It's me. The police are here, I'm going to tell them where we are, hang on." Tom, secure in the knowledge that she was all right briefly left her side to direct the officers into the room and to tell them that the rest of the house was empty.

"Should we send the paramedics up?" Officer Benedict asked.

"Yes, and call the coroner," Tom instructed them before turning back to Cassy, hoping to distract her long enough for the paramedics to take her out of the room.

"Tom!" her panicked voice let him know he hadn't succeeded.

"Who is that?" Cassy still obviously dazed grasped at Tom's shirt in her terror.

"Shh," Tom pulled her against him and hid her face from the bloody and obviously dead body that was on the bed next to her. Then the paramedics were there prying her from him.

"She must have been drugged." Tom reluctantly let them take over, but refused to go too far away or to let them shoot her up with anything that would react with whatever was in her system.

"Tom!" Harry's voice barely penetrated his concentration on his partner. "What happened..." Harry's question broke off as he saw the body in the bed from which the paramedics were just moving Cassy.

"My God," Harry gasped and looked at Cassy to confirm that she was all right.

"She was drugged. I found her unconscious next to him," Tom explained quietly so Cassy couldn't hear.

"That didn't happen because of 'a' gunshot," Harry pointed out.

"My gun!" Cassy suddenly gasped. "They took my gun."

"Who Cassy, who did this?" Harry asked his detective.

"I...I don't know...there were two of them, they came up behind me when I got here." Cassy shook her head, unable to put the pieces together.

"Sir, we need to get her to the hospital," one of the paramedics interrupted the questioning.

"We'll talk at the hospital. You behave." Harry said gruffly as he let go of her hand and let the paramedics take her away.

"Why don't you go with her," Harry said absently as he watched the forensics team begin to work with the body.

At Tom's hesitation Harry gave him a push towards the door. "She's frightened and you can interview her."

"I'll call you," Tom said gratefully as he ran out of the room.

"Find out where they're taking her," Harry ordered one of the uniforms waiting with him by the door. He needed to call Frannie. "All right, let's try and get an i.d. on this one, go talk to the neighbors and comb the downstairs." Harry fell into the pattern of work easily. It was his first day back, too.

Tom caught the ambulance just as the doors were about to close. Flashing his badge he evaded questions and hopped in.

"No questions," ordered one of the paramedics that he knew as Tracy warned him as he hooked Cassy up to an IV bag and the other placed some stuff on her chest to hook her up to the heart monitor. Tom nodded dumbly as he reached out for Cassy's hand.

"Is all of this necessary?" he asked uncomfortably.

"I said no questions," Tracy reminded him, then winked. "Most substances used to knock out patients have a side effect of irregular heart beat. Until we know for sure what the substance is and how much was ingested she needs monitoring."

Tom tried to smile encouragingly at Cassy but noticed that her eyes were closed. Panicked he look up at the paramedics.

"She's fine, you can hear for yourself." Tracy turned up the volume on the heart monitor. "Listen, the drug hasn't worn off yet."

Tom nodded dumbly and willed his panic to recede. Cassy's strong, albeit fast, heartbeat filled the back of the ambulance. He closed his eyes and concentrated on her waking up.

>>>>>>>>>>  
Four Hours Later  
Palm Beach Memorial Hospital  
Room 421

As the darkness began to recede Cassy became aware of a beating. As she opened her eyes she realized that the beating was the sound of a heart monitor, which corresponded to the pounding in her head.

"Welcome back." She heard someone say.

Instinctively, she turned towards the voice. As the room began to spin she closed her eyes and bit back a groan.

"Dizzy?" the voice ticked off in a business-like manner.

Idly, Cassy wondered where her weapon was. "Oh god! My gun!" She opened her eyes, ignoring the dizziness and the pounding in her head.

"Whoa, calm down. First let's see how you're feeling then I'll let your boss come in and talk to you about police matters. I'm Doctor Sam Dupuis. It seems you have some memory of what happened, do you know why you're here?" he asked.

"Some people were in my house, they drugged me, chloroform I think. After that I have no idea..." Cassy's heart rate sped up as she reached the blank in her memory.

"Shh, you have to relax. We don't think anything happened. I think your partner showed up too soon after they knocked you out. You're correct that it was chloroform, which explains your dizziness and I presume a headache? I thought so. That's also why you're on the heart monitor to make sure that there is no irregular heartbeat. We'd normally keep you on the monitor for only twenty-four hours, but we'd like to keep you on it longer. There's been no harm to your pregnancy, but we want to make sure everything stays all right and you stay as relaxed as possible," Doctor Dupuis explained.

At the word pregnancy the heart monitor's alarm went off.

"Cassandra, you have to relax. We don't want to have to give you any more drugs. Please try and relax." Sam waved away a nurse who had rushed into the room. She obediently left, presumably to calm the fears of anyone in the waiting room.

"You didn't know you were pregnant?" Sam asked gently.

Cassy's eyes were wide with shock as she shook her head.

"I can't be sure without a few more questions, but it seems you're about two months along," Sam explained.

"I can't believe I was so stupid, how could I not know?" Cassy squeezed the blanket between her fists. Her knuckles turned white as she struggled internally to process the shocking news. Her eyes closed as a swirl of competing emotions struggled for supremacy. There was the expected panic, but as she sifted through the emotions she found a couple that surprised her. One of those was happiness. The other was a sense of calm. Despite herself a smile broke out across her face. Biting her lip she opened and her eyes and looked at her amused doctor.

"Do you think you're up to talking to the police? I can put them off if you want," Sam offered.

'Tom!' Cassy suddenly remembered that he would probably be outside with Harry. "No, it's all right. Just give me a few minutes?" she asked as her brow furrowed in confusion.

Should she tell Tom? What would his reaction be?

"White picket fence," she admitted under her breath. But he didn't love her, or if he did they just weren't good for each other. Would a child help them adjust their priorities? Was it too soon to tell him? Cassy knew very well how much Tom wanted children and a family, but they could hardly survive when it was just the two of them. Cassy certainly didn't want her child to be deprived of a father like she was.

"Would I even make a good mother?" Cassy took a deep breath as she tried to grapple with that reality.

Unless something happened, her hand settled on her stomach protectively, Houston was out. Despite her uncertainty a smile settled over her features again.

"A baby," she breathed.

"Cassy?" Harry said hesitantly as he walked into the room. Frannie and Tom were close behind.

Cassy turned towards her friends and partner with a bright smile on her face. As they looked at her strangely she realized it definitely was out of place for the situation as they knew it, but she couldn't suppress it.

"Uh, do they have you on anything?" Harry looked at her over his glasses.

"No!" Cassy said playfully. "Thanks for coming Frannie. Sorry you had to endure what I imagine was another panicked phone call. I'm fine. Other than a headache and all this machinery."

Both Tom and Harry's jaws dropped simultaneously.

Frannie pushed her way past the two men and ambled over to Cassy's bedside. Taking Cassy's hand in her own she leaned down and fixed Cassy with a analytical stare. Seemingly satisfied she stood straight up and gave Cassy a knowing smile. Patting Cassy's hand she turned towards her still confused husband. "Harry, I'll talk with Cassy when you're done questioning her. Harry! Snap out of it," she snapped her fingers in front of his face, startling him back to awareness.

"Sure honey," Harry nodded absently at his departing wife.

"If I had known a little chloroform..." Frannie heard Tom mumble to himself as she left.

"I'd ask how you are..." Harry trailed off, certain that his meaning was obvious.

"You want to ask about what happened." Cassy's smile faded and she looked away. Suddenly she shifted and moved to sit up. The various wires from the EKG were making the effort complicated.

"Should you do that?" Tom suddenly made his presence known.

"I don't see why not?" Cassy avoided looking at him directly.

"Let me ask the nurse," Tom volunteered. A minute later her returned with a male nurse leading the way.

"Ms. St. John can sit up. Let me help you." He leaned over and efficiently assisted her in sitting up, adjusting the bed and ensuring that all lines and wires remained in their proper place.

"Thanks." Cassy smiled at him warmly when he was finished. As he left her line of sight her eyes fixed on Tom's worried expression. She couldn't help laughing. She could imagine how completely confused her was by her unexpectedly chipper mood. As she remembered why she was there, her own humor deflated.

"My alarm was off when I got home. I know I put it on when I left this morning. I pulled out my gun and went in, but they were somehow behind me. Have you found my gun?" Cassy's heart rate audibly increased.

Harry had taken the seat by the bed as Cassy began her short narrative. He placed his hand on her arm to calm her down. "We haven't recovered the gun yet. You said 'they' how many were there?"

"I'm not sure, there was the man, I think it was a man, who was behind me and put the cloth on my mouth and...and held me, and there was a woman. I remember a woman's voice. I didn't see her though. I don't know if there was anyone else. I...who was that man?" Cassy's eyes filled with tears.

Tom silently let out a breath. He had hoped she hadn't seen.

"He's been identified as Brian Wilker, he's a local..."

"Architect." Cassy bit her lip and looked away as she recognized the name of her companion on the flight back from Houston. "I sat next to him on the flight home from Houston."

Tom and Harry shared a glance while Cassy still wasn't looking.

"There were two lilies," she said in a low voice.

"You don't know..." Tom started to contradict her assumption.

"He was in my bed Tom. They left me unconscious and unharmed." Cassy looked at him angrily, but he knew it wasn't directed at him.

"How well did you know this man?" Harry asked.

"I didn't. I sat with him on the flight. He helped me with my bags because I wasn't feeling well..." Cassy trailed off as she realized now why she hadn't felt well on that flight. "He asked for my number. I took his instead and I never spoke to him again. And now he's dead, just because he talked to me once." With worried eyes she looked over at her partner. There was more than a casual meeting and a distant past between them. Her hand settled on her stomach again as she admitted to herself that there was a future as well. If these murders were because of her, then he might be in more danger than anyone else. Him and their unborn and unspoken on child. Her heart rate once again sped up as she continued to study Tom's features. Features she was now admitting she had dearly missed.

"I'll be fine," Tom shrugged off her concern.

"No! I've seen you lying in a parking lot shot in the head once too many times. Harry he needs to be put away until we're sure what this is about," she demanded.

"Cassy, you're the last person to jump to conclusions. We don't know that I'm in danger."

"What happened to your cop hunches? Trust me on this Tom, I know you're in danger. I can _feel_ it!" Cassy's hands balled into fists.

Remembering the strange events surrounding the murder of that former stock car racer's wife and Cassy's revelations about seeing the death of a boy she loved in college, Tom swallowed his objections. At least for as long as Cassy was confined to the hospital and couldn't see where he was.

"And don't think just because I'm stuck in here I won't know what's going on," Cassy stated with uncanny accuracy. "Although I might lost track of days. You wouldn't happen to have a calendar to hang on the wall while I'm here?"

Harry snickered at Cassy's allusion to the local male law enforcement calendar Tom had posed for a few months ago.

Blushing Tom glared at the other officers.

"Cassy's right, you might be a target. You'll work with me on this one and I'll keep an eye on you. And I don't want you staying alone." Harry began laying out his plans.

"I don't want to endanger you and Frannie," Tom objected.

"You're not invited." Harry made a face at Tom. "Until Cassy is out of the hospital you'll stay at the station. After that, Cassy will stay with you. I don't want you alone either," Harry informed the bed ridden woman. "I don't care to hear about any of your personal issues. Until these sickos are put away you're partners and you'll look out for each other. Understand? Good!"

Tom looked from Cassy to Harry and back trying to figure out whether he should be protesting the last order or not. He didn't notice that Cassy was uncharacteristically agreeable herself.

Harry noticed, however, and made a mental note to speak with his wife soon. She would know what was going on with these two.

"I want to know what was found." Cassy interrupted the wandering thoughts of the two men. "Hairs, fibers, fingerprints, my gun," she began to tick off her list.

"How about you get some rest, write out what you can remember and leave the policing to us until you get out of here. I don't want that doctor banning us from here by bringing you work." Tom waved his hand, well familiar with the threats of hospitals and doctors.

"This is about _me. _Tom, I'm the most qualified to figure out who and what this is about," Cassy pointed out logically. 'And I need to protect you and our child,' she finished to herself. Somewhere during the past ten minutes she had decided it was too soon to tell Tom the news. They had too much to settle before this new factor could get in the way.

"She's right," Harry agreed. "But later. Talk to Frannie and then get some rest. I'll watch your partner."

"Harry ordered me to stay with Tom," Cassy told Frannie ten minutes later.

"He did?" Frannie's eyebrows raised in surprise. She knew her husband was smart, but he was definitely going to be well-rewarded for that stroke of genius she decided. She might even let him cheat on their new diet. Not that he didn't anyway. "So why aren't you standing on your bed and protesting? This morning you were more than happy to never see the man again."

"In this case he's right," Cassy shrugged nonchalantly.

"Ha! That has never stopped you from being stubborn. You want to be with Tom, because of the baby." Frannie crossed her arms and practically dared Cassy to argue with her.

"How did you know?" Cassy didn't waste her energy arguing against Frannie's unearthly abilities to ferret out information in just a glance. At least from her.

"The glow. I'd recognize it anywhere. Since Tom walked out of here on his own power rather than a stretcher I assume you haven't told him. When are you planning to?" Frannie asked hesitantly.

"I want this child Frannie and I won't deprive it of its father...but I...I'm sure Harry told you what Tom said to me. We can't pretend just for the sake of the child, I've lived with parents who were unhappy with each other and I won't do that either. I don't know what to do here. He has a right to know, but I know what his reaction will be..." Cassy's eyes were filled with tears as hopelessness suddenly filled her mind.

"You want him to love you not just because you're pregnant," Frannie voiced Cassy's unspoken and deepest wish. "And you wish that you two could make it work for your own sakes. Not telling him about this isn't the way to rebuild the trust you tow have always had - leaving aside for the moment Tom's patently false words spoken under duress. "You still love him don't you?"

Cassy remained stubbornly silent for a minute as she carefully framed her answer.

"I always have, and it's never been enough," Cassy finally admitted.

"And you two have always only thought of yourselves. Maybe now that there is someone else to think about and protect you'll both grow up. Tell him Cassy. Soon." Frannie squeezed Cassy's hand.

"I know, I've seen those horrible sitcoms too," Cassy rolled her eyes and let out a yawn.

"I'll talk to you later/" Frannie leaned down and kissed Cassy's cheek.

"Be safe," Cassy urged the departing woman.

"My Harry will make sure I am." Frannie glowed as she mentioned her husband.

Cassy hoped someday she would look like that when she spoke about her husband.

End Chapter 9


	11. Chapter 10

_Italics _denotes flashback or memory

Chapter 10  
Wednesday, May 26, 1999

_"Pride isn't worth being alone," Evelyn St. John warned her daughter, tears in her eyes as she remembered the man she had once come to love and the opportunity she had wasted._

_"But how can you be happy with someone you allowed to steal your pride?" Cassy wasn't convinced._

_"The time will come Cassy when you're alone like I am and you'll wonder why you believed your pride was more important than your heart, than forgiveness," Evelyn warned._

The words her mother had said to her a scant seven months before echoed through her mind as she hung up the phone. As she remembered her disbelief of her mother's rare, but insightful advice the tears began to flow down her cheeks. Clutching a pad to her chest she began to sob. So many times she had chosen pride and logic over the dictates of her heart. And now someone was trying to make sure that she didn't get the opportunity to make up for the pain she had caused or come to terms with what she had given up. Like Patrick.

Homecoming King and Queen. Head Cheerleader and Star Quarterback. Best Athlete and Medalist Gymnast. Favorite Couple. If there was a cliche to put to her high school relationship she and Patrick had filled it. And at the end of those three years she had walked away with nary a glance to return to Florida and attend college without any ties to the boy back home. It wasn't that she didn't love him, it was jsut that Cassy had instinctively known that a long distance relationship wouldn't work so she ended it. She had spent years congratulating herself for the mature decision since she and Patrick had remained friends, only drifting apart after her marriage to Tom and its subsequent dissolution. Not wanting to admit failure Cassy had let a lot of old friendships drift away during that time. And now Patrick was dead, because of her.

"Cassy?" Tom's voice broke through the haze of depression and despair that had settled over her. "What happened?" Cautiously he sat down on the bed.

Instead of answering him Cassy held out the pad she had been clutching to her chest.

"Oh Cass," Tom sighed as he saw the notes she had taken from a conversation she had had with the Austin, Texas police. The gruesome details of Patrick Jensen's murder were scrawled across the lines of the pad.

"I missed the funeral," she said as she took the tissues Tom held out. "It was this morning. I never got to say goodbye. I don't even know why I said goodbye. To so many people."

Tom looked at Cassy with a tinge of surprise in his expression. Her words sounded remarkably like regret or self doubt. Both things Cassy rarely wasted time and energy on. "You can still say goodbye. When this is all over."

"He was, _they_ were killed because of me, Tom." Tom felt her begin to tremble. He swallowed past a lump in his throat as Cassy looked up at him with a vulnerable look in her blue eyes. He pulled the pen from her limp fingers and placed both it and the pad onto the bedside table. She might still hate him, but she obviously needed him as well. As he had longed to do many times over the past weeks Tom leaned forward and took her trembling form into his arms, careful of the wires from the heart monitor that still sprang out from her hospital gown. His eyes closed as Cassy embraced him, her fingers digging into his back.

Five minutes later Cassy's trembling had eased, yet she still clutched at him as if he was her lifeline.

"Tom?" Cassy looked up at him.

"Yeah?" Tom pressed his lips to her exposed forehead.

"Please be careful, promise me you're being careful. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you," she said fervently.

"You mean you'd cry more than this?" he teased, trying to lighten the moment.

"I'm not kidding, I need..."

Whatever Cassy had been about to say was lost as Doctor Dupuis entered the room.

"I'm sorry, Cass, I didn't know you had a visitor. I'll come back later," Sam Dupuis apologized.

"Sam." Cassy turned the wattage up on her smile. Tom couldn't help but feel brushed aside. "I've been on this monitor for about thirty hours now, do you think maybe we can shut it off now? You said yourself the normal time is twenty-four hours and everything has been fine."

Sam's eyes narrowed at her blatant attempt to charm him.

"I'll promise to lay here and get sleep for the rest of the time. I can't sleep on my back," Cassy prodded.

"She has you wrapped around her fingers doesn't she?" Sam asked rhetorically as he walked over and turned off the monitor.

"Thank you!" Cassy breathed a sigh of relief. "That beeping was driving me insane."

"I'll have the nurse remove the sensors and then I'll examine you and then you'll get that promised sleep." Sam tried to be stern.

"Yes, Sir." Cassy saluted.

Tom pasted on a smile to hide the fact that he wished he could have heard what Cassy had been about to say to him.

"We'll be back in a few minutes," Sam warned the pair before leaving the room.

"You were about to tell me something," Tom reminded Cassy.

"We can talk about it after I'm out of here." Cassy was clearly back in control of herself. "I'm being released late this afternoon. We really should discuss the mechanics of security and getting my clothes and stuff from my house. I don't want to go back there right now," she admitted quietly.

"I'll have it taken care of. Harry won't let either of us near the scene," Tom disclosed.

"Have there been any breaks? Who's in charge of the investigation if he won't let you near the house?" Cassy was worried.

"Peterson and Benedict are the leads. Harry and I are also working on the situation, but I'm viewed as more of a potential target at this point." Tom ran his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. The only reason he was putting up with it was because it was the only way he could hope to get Cassy to keep herself safe once she was released from the hospital.

"Bradley told me that Harry had contacted him about their case," she referred to the lead officer in Austin. "There was some physical evidence they're working on, but no matches yet."

"Sterling's team found some hairs that might lead somewhere. Austin is matching it up now. How did you get Bradley to talk to you?" Tom asked.

"Harry warned him I would be calling," Cassy admitted she hadn't done any fancy footwork. "He wouldn't let Sterling talk to me yet though."

Tom nodded but was suddenly bereft of words.

"Tom...did you mean what you said in the hotel room back in Key Nuevo?" her expression was eerily blank yet earnest.

Tom felt as if he had been punched in the chest at her question. The answer were words he had replayed over and over in his mind for weeks and that sat at the tip of his tongue every moment he spent with her. This was the first time, however, that she seemed ready to really listen to him. Yet for some reason he couldn't quite grasp he suddenly wasn't ready to have that conversation. 'Trust,' his inner voice told him. Glad that he wasn't on a heart monitor, Tom sat down on the side of Cassy's bed. Both Cassy and Virginia had done a number on his ability to trust. For the first time he could empathize with Cassy.

"I didn't mean it. I was hurting and I wanted to finally see you hurting too. I guess at the time I felt as if it was always me hurting." He could admit that much, but not ready yet to tell her more.

"So you did love me?" Cassy studied every nuance of his expression.

"I..." Tom's breathing sped up as he tried to find either the courage or the words.

"Sorry, Tom, my patient needs her rest if I'm going to spring her this afternoon," Sam interrupted saving Tom and disappointing Cassy.

"We'll talk about this later," Tom promised and flashed her a charming smile. "You get some sleep and be a good patient."

"Look who's talking." Cassy raised her eyebrows at him.

Tom walked with his head down through the corridors of Palm Beach Memorial Hospital. It wasn't exactly the place where he wanted to be alone with his thoughts, but Harry had distinctly barred him from any other public place for the time being believing that there were too many unknowns in the situation to make him a target.

At the time Tom hadn't been too upset. As a cop he had to agree because they had no idea how many people were involved in whatever was going on or what their goal was. As a man he hadn't wanted to be far from Cassy's side either. Despite the doctor's assurances, he had a feeling there was more going on than they had been told. Cassy being kept on the heart monitor past the standard safety zone, for one thing, had concerned him. He had also expected Cassy's emotional reaction to Patrick's death and to the gruesome and scary scene she had endured.

But now he felt trapped. He had not expected Cassy to even tolerate his presence once her initial trauma was over. He definitely had not expected her seemingly open communication.

Seemingly. That word highlighted the depth of his distrust. While Cassy's leaving their marriage may have hurt him, it hadn't been a surprise or the result of deception and yet he still couldn't bring himself to fully trust her now. Thanks to Virginia.

He should be glad, grateful even, that she seemed to want his presence.

"Need," he said softly to himself. She had begun to say she needed something...him? Cassy very rarely said she needed anything or anyone. Least of all him.

Full of nervous energy Tom continued his mechanical trek through the hospital, unexpectedly finding himself at the maternity ward. With a wistful smile on his face he stood in front of the display of babies. It seemed sort of barbaric to invade their privacy this way, but Tom couldn't help but feel jealous at how simple their lives were. He wished he had that type of innocence.

When he was younger he had assumed he would be a happily married man with children by this time. Looking at the little babies now, he was suddenly more relieved than he had ever been that he hadn't had children yet. How could he raise a child when he couldn't even raise himself.

End Chapter 10


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Tom's new apartment,  
Thursday, May 27, 1999  
4:30 pm

"Do you want something to drink?" Cassy asked her partner as she levered herself off the floor in the living room.

"No thanks." Tom didn't look up.

"Don't you have any decaffeinated tea?" Cassy asked a few minutes later as she rummaged through Tom's now perfectly arranged kitchen.

"Decaf?" Tom looked up in surprise from the papers spread put in front of him on the dining room table. "Oh, the heart thing. Um, if you didn't see any when you unpacked I doubt there is any. I think I have some hot cocoa."

"That has caffeine." Cassy sighed and dropped the box of tea she was holding onto the counter. Leaning her hands on the counter and concentrated on taking deep breaths to combat her frustration. She was getting pretty sick of drinking water and juice and she was ready to kill for a grande no fat latte.

"Not that much," Tom said absently over his shoulder.

bring

The phone rang. Neither cop looked up from what they were engaged in.

bring

"This is 555-1013. Leave a message," Tom's voice filled the room from the answering machine.

Tom and Cassy both turned and looked at each other accusingly through the pass through between the kitchen and the dining room.

"Cassy, this is Doctor Scully's office calling to confirm your appointment for 9:30 tomorrow morning. We'll see you both then!" the nurse said perkily.

"It was for you." Tom practically stuck his tongue out at her.

Cassy flashed Tom a weak smile before turning away, her heart pounding. 'Both, I can't believe she said both!' she closed her eyes and hoped that Tom didn't pick up on the reference.

"What did she mean by both?" Tom asked.

crash

Cassy fumbled and dropped the mug she had been holding onto the kitchen floor.

"Shit!" she cursed as she knelt down and began to pick up shards of the broken crockery.

"Hey, be careful." Tom jumped up and rushed into the kitchen to help her. "You'll cut yourself," he warned as he saw her using her bare hands. He quickly grabbed some paper towels and knelt down to push her hands out of the way.

"Ow!" Cassy exclaimed and dropped the pieces she had been holding. Blood began to well up from a cut on her finger and she quickly moved it towards her mouth.

"Gimme." Tom grabbed her hand and helped her stand and immediately brought her into the bathroom, turned on the water and pushed her hand underneath the spray. "You always do that. He shook his head and smiled.

Stung, Cassy bit her lip. Tom was still looking down at her finger and she couldn't see his good humored expression. "I didn't mean to break your mug, I'm sorry," she cursed herself as she felt stupid tears well up in her eyes.

"I know that," Tom looked up and was surprised to see that she seemed genuinely upset. "I startled you. It happens. Besides, that was from the set we got for our wedding and was the last one left. _I_ broke all of the others!"

"The last one?" Cassy repeated in a low tone.

"Yeah." Tom looked similarly saddened by the realization. He and Cassy stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment before Tom turned his attention to the half inch slice on her finger. First he dried it off gently with a antiseptic pad and then he wrapped a band-aid around it. Then he brought it to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. "Good as new."

Cassy's face crumbled at the gesture and she began to sob.

"Cass?" Tom said worriedly even as he moved to bring her into his embrace. "Hey, it's all right, it's just a mug," he said helplessly.

Cassy laughed through her tears. He thought this was about a mug! Part of her realized that her over reaction was due to hormones, but she couldn't help herself. Nor could she help the genuine release she felt. The past few days had been so turbulent and confusing for her internally. Feelings of relief, fear, sorrow and guilt had been flowing and ebbing through her, neither winning the war for supremacy. And making her feel all the more guilty, if that were possible, was the deep sense of joy she felt at discovering she was pregnant, with Tom's child. And at living with him again, albeit not officially. It was almost like they were newly married again. They were so considerate and careful with the other, part of her feared that would disappear again and yet she had to admit that it felt different again. This time it was just comfortable, not strained.

Tom's hand strayed down her back and brought Cassy back from inside her thoughts. She couldn't suppress a shiver of arousal as she reveled in the feeling of being held in his arms and pressed against his body. Unable to stop herself she looked up at him and she knew that desire was written across her face.

"Cass?" Tom asked in a husky voice as she stared down into her eyes.

Without bothering to ask another question Cassy reached her arms around his neck and pulled his lips towards hers. For a few moments Tom gave into the moment, but just as sudden as Cassy's kiss had been he jerked away.

Cassy would have been insulted if she hadn't seen the dazed and desirous look in his eyes. Feeling contrite and scared she closed her eyes and moved away.

"Cass?" Tom said questioningly.

"We need to talk Tom," she said firmly and made her way back into the living where she sat down expectantly on the couch.

"Cass, it's not that I'm exactly complaining, but I am worried," Tom began to speak as soon as he sat down next to her.

Cassy shook her head and turned towards him. Seeing that he was silenced she took his hands in hers. She had been trying to tell him since the day before and had either been interrupted or unable to find the words. After that display in the bathroom she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. Nor did she want to.

"You asked what the nurse meant by 'both.' That's why I dropped the mug. The statement and the question startled me. With all of the...turmoil of the past few days there is something else I learned. Something that has changed things, a lot of things, for me. Something that will change a lot of things for both of us. I'm pregnant," she finally said, simply.

A mixture of emotions passed over Tom's face during her explanation. Fear. Confusion. Hope. A failure to comprehend. Shock. Pure unadulterated shock. Then finally the expression Cassy had expected, joy.

"You're going to have a baby?" Tom's eyes lit up as bright as his smile. "Really? There?" he reached his hand out to touch her stomach, then pulled it back at the last second to silently ask her permission.

"If you want, it's a bit too early to feel anything." Cassy enjoyed his reaction.

"I can tell," Tom said earnestly as he pressed his hand against her still flat stomach. "Are you happy about this?"

"Yes, I am. I don't think this is a great time for all of this. I know it's not a resolution for everything we've done to each other. And it won't solve any of our intrinsic problems. But yes. I'm happy." Cassy held her hands up in the air.

"Maternal and illogical. What have you done with Cassandra St. John?" Tom grasped her shoulders and demanded humorously.

"I don't know, I really don't know," Cassy shook her head and said seriously.

"What are we going to do?" Tom turned the conversation back to a serious bent.

Cassy stood up and faced the wall as she gathered her thoughts together. Finally ready she turned back to answer him.

"I don't want to deprive you of your child, Tom. I'm not going to go to Houston. I can't take a new job in this condition and I can't be there on time with all this going on. I think that we should wait until all of this is over to make plans. Now do you see why you need to be safe, more than ever?" Cassy asked him.

"And I need for you to be safe. You have to promise me you won't do anything crazy. I don't want you leaving this apartment. I'll have Harry put more guards on the door. Are you feeling all right? What did the doctor say? Sit down!" Tom had begun slowly and sped up as he fired orders and questions.

"I'm fine, but I think you might need a little Valium. I'm fine. I feel fine, most of the time and I'm going to the doctor's office tomorrow," Cassy did, though, comply with his "request" that she sit down.

"I'm coming with you. And what do you mean by most of the time?" Tom scrutinized her tired features.

"Tom, why don't you see if you can order some good take out and something decaf I can drink?" Cassy crossed her arms and looked at him calmly. "We have a few more months of this, you'd better learn to chill out."

"Chill out?" Tom asked with raised eyebrows. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Surprise me." Cassy shrugged and sat back down on the living room floor and began to study the crime scene reports again. Now, more than ever, they needed to get this case put to rest. There was even more on the line than whoever was out for her could have known.

"Can I get you a pillow?" Tom asked as he picked up the phone.

"If you start to pamper me Thomas Ryan..." Cassy threatened.

Tom studied her profile for a moment before turning to study the menu and place an order.

End of Chapter 11


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Tom's new apartment,  
Friday, May 28, 1999  
9:00 am

"Are you ready yet Cass?" Tom paced the living as he waited for Cassy to finally emerge from his bedroom.

"Just a second," Cassy yelled back.

"Come on, come on," he mumbled under his breath. They were going to the doctor's office for her check up on their baby! The anticipation was driving him insane. What he really wanted to do was barge into that bedroom and lift her up and lay her down on the bed and reveal her bare stomach. Then he wanted to run his fingers and lips over it for the rest of the day. She carried his child inside her. So many years he had pretended he didn't want that anymore. He didn't even care about the circumstances surrounding the conception. In his distraction he didn't hear her finally emerge from the bedroom.

"Well?" She stood in the doorway, her arms crossed and her blue eyes looking at him in amusement.

God, she looked so beautiful, he sighed and bit his lip as he looked at her. How had he missed that glow?

Unable to stop himself he moved forward until he was standing in front of her. His hands didn't meet any resistance as they reached out and spanned her waist. His thumbs settled on her stomach and gently stroked her through her white button-down cotton shirt.

"You are so beautiful," he told her huskily. He remembered something about pregnant women feeling unattractive. He would never let her be so deluded.

Gently, he pressed his lips against her forehead. He felt her shiver. "We're going to be late," he reminded her, regretfully. He was gratified to hear her sigh as he led the way. "Do you need a sweater or anything?"

"It's May in Palm Beach!" Cassy shook her head and walked out the apartment door he was holding open.

Once outside the apartment door other realities began to seep in. Waiting, alert and well armed, were two uniformed officers. Their escorts.It took a bit of the sparkle out of the morning.

"Back to reality," Tom wryly told Cassy as he helped her into the back seat behind the driver of the department car.

"At least we have a chauffer now," Cassy joked as one of the officers, Joe McCallister sat down next to her. She didn't do a good job of hiding a wistful look as Tom moved back to close the door so that he could go around and sit in the passenger seat.

"Let's roll," Tom enjoyed telling their "driver."

Despite Tom's obvious enjoyment, Cassy felt resentful. Becoming pregnant had _not_ been even pencilled into her date book, but now that she was she wanted to be able to share the joy she felt with Tom. At the same time she feared that their previous differences would never be resolved and now they were tied to each other in a way they couldn't walk away from. And in the midst of all this, she glanced at their guards, people were being killed just for knowing her. Tom and Harry might say it was too early to rush to judgment, but what other connection was there between Patrick and Brad and those flowers. She shivered despite the heat.

"Cass," Tom's voice cut into her spiral into guilt and remorse.

She looked up to find him looking back at her from the front seat. Forcibly dragging her thoughts from the path they were going down she offered him a weak smile.

Suddenly a curse from Joe's partner, Andy Preston interrupted their exchange.

Before anyone could ask what was wrong there was an impact on the side of the car. The swerved and then there came another grinding impact on the driver's side of the car. The car swerved towards the other side of the road, but Andy managed to keep them on the road. Just barely. But their pursuers weren't ready to give up and Cassy felt the door next to her begin to collapse with another impact from their pursuers. Even as she tries to undo her seatbelt and move out of the way her cop instincts kick in and she looks over at the other car to make an identification.

As the car comes careening at them again she saw that the car was beige and had only a driver. A man with dark hair.

Then the door crumpled and the car beganto slide sideways. Cassy felt her entire side burst into a the flames of pain as the car seemed to be caught in a dimension of its own. Sliding. Spinning. Falling. In front of her she saw Tom. Then it was all black.

>>>>>>

"What the hell do you mean they were driven off the road!" Harry stood in his office screaming into the phone. "Get that car, I don't care how many officers we have to send out there. There were four cops in that vehicle!"

Harry slammed down the phone without wasting time with usual obligatory goodbye. One arm already in his suit jacket he stormed out into the bullpen. His eyes were immediately drawn to the two empty desks in front of him. He had already lost two special officers that had once sat there. He couldn't bear to lose two more.

'And there's a baby involved this time too,' Harry remembered Frannie's revelation with a sinking stomach.

"Callahan, Turvin, Lister and Dolan, we got four cops on the way to Memorial and a suspect under pursuit. Get out there and finish this up." Harry pulled himself together and began barking out orders. "Let's get moving!"

Harry continued through the bullpen. He wanted to be there when the son of a bitch was captured.

>>>>>>

Tom groaned and his eyes fluttered open. Light. Fighting through the haze surrounding him he tried to remember where he was and why his head hurt so much. He looked to his left and he was hit with sudden clarity. They were run off the road and were now upside down.

"Cassy!" he struggled to turn his head. His heart froze in his chest. There was blood running down the side of her face and she was unconscious. She had somehow managed to unfasten the belt and was sprawled out awkwardly

"I called for ambulances," Joe informed him from the back seat.

Oblivious to his own aches and pains Tom unfastened his seat restraint. Using his hands he caught himself as he fell to the now bottom of the car. He looked towards their driver, Andy, who nodded that he was fine and motioned him towards Cassy.

Climbing halfway through to the backseat Tom helped Joe lay her down on the roof of the car. In the distance they could hear the sirens of the ambulances coming towards them.

His fingers pressed against the pulse in her neck. She was alive.

Tom didn't know if he could say the same for their child.

End Chapter 12


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Inside and on the roof of a Ford Taurus  
Palm Beach, Florida

"Cassy, please wake up." Tom ran his hands up and down her arms. In the fragmented light coming through the windows of the car she looked so pale. "Come on Cass, wake up for me. I'll let you pick out everything in the nursery," he promised, his lips pressed by her ear.

"Sir, we need to move her." The paramedics were kneeling in the ditch next to the car.

Tom acknowledged that he had to move, but first he pressed his lips to her ear again. "I love you, hang on," he whispered.

"She's pregnant," he informed the paramedics.

His insides feeling like they were tearing apart as he moved further away from her. His eyes never left her still body as he was assisted out of the car and up the ditch. Another paramedic met him and led him towards an ambulance, his eyes never left the area of the car as he waited for them to bring Cassy out. It was all he could do not to push the woman out of the way when she began to shine a light in his eyes to check for a concussion.

"I don't have a concussion, trust me," he sighed and kept trying to look around her.

"Sergeant Ryan, let me make that determination. If I agree, then I'll let you go," the exasperated paramedic informed him.

"Listen to her," Harry Lipshitz came up behind her and told his detective.

Tom obediently let the paramedic continue her examination and a couple of minutes later was told he didn't have a concussion. He waved off her offer for a pain killer and denied having any other injuries.

After the paramedic moved away Harry placed his hand on Tom's shoulder.

"They haven't brought her out yet Harry. She wasn't moving. The baby," Tom said brokenly.

"Frannie told me about the baby," Harry told him. "They're just being careful."

"She needs to get to the hospital." Tom moved towards the car. Harry held him back.

"Let them do their work. She's in good hands. They don't need to rush and they don't need you to rush them," Harry told him.

"Sir, they got him," another officer yelled over to them.

"I want him in shackles brought downtown!" Harry yelled out. "They got the guy that ran you off the road. Your car had a tail. They tried to stop him but it happened too fast."

"I want to see that son of a bitch!" Tom's was enraged.

"Yeah, in this mood that would accomplish a lot. Cassy needs you by her side right now. If... you need to be at Cassy's side," Harry told him.

"You said yourself that she's in good hands. Let me talk to the guy. I'll find out what this is about," Tom argued.

"This is why..." Harry broke off and looked at his officer as if he were seeing him for the first time.

"Why what Harry?" Tom suddenly focused on Harry.

Harry sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, obviously not eager to finish what he had begun to say.

"Why what Harry? Is there something going on here that I should know about?" Tom advanced on him.

"Cassy told me why she left the marriage and why she was leaving Palm Beach. I don't know whether she's right Thomas, but it's what she believes and only you can change that," Harry said slowly.

"What does she believe, Harry?" Tom demanded.

"She believes that you don't really love her. That you never did," Harry informed him.

"What?" Tom's jaw dropped in surprise.

"Tremaine," Harry said.

"What?" Tom was exasperated.

"She never knew about Tremaine. She used it as an example of why she believes you don't really love her. Cassy needs you there when she wakes up and we don't need you to ruin an interrogation by violating the prisoner's rights," Harry said through stiff lips. He hated betraying Cassy's confidence, but it was for her own good. For both of their own goods.

Tom closed his eyes and fought an inner struggle. He wasn't sure what it all meant, but Harry was right. Cassy needed him when she woke up. He nodded and opened his eyes to find the paramedics bringing Cassy out of the ditch on a stretcher. He was going to go with his partner.

"I'll call you from the hospital," Tom told Harry as he moved towards her. He stopped a few seconds later and looked back at Harry. "Get them for her. For us."

Harry nodded and silently promised that he would.

>>>>>>>>>  
Interrogation Room A  
Palm Beach PD

"Tell me why you ran them off the road," Harry slammed his hand on the table.

The man sat with his mouth in a stiff line, refusing to answer. He hadn't even asked for an attorney. Since being apprehended a few hours earlier he hadn't spoken a word.

"Take him to a cell," Harry growled at the uniformed officers standing against the walls. "Call him a lawyer. We're going to be careful on this one."

Harry pulled off his glasses and began to clean them with a handkerchief. He still hadn't heard from Tom. He was going to go to the hospital himself.

>>>>>>  
Palm Beach Memorial Hospital

"I'm really sorry to see you and your partner again so soon," Doctor Sam Dupuis addressed Tom.

"How is she?" Tom asked rudely, not bothering to greet the man.

Used to the ways of worried family and friends Sam didn't mind.

"She has a severe concussion. Severe bruising along her left side. A bruise on her right shoulder..." he listed her injuries.

"The baby?" Tom interrupted. "Did we lose the baby?"

>>>>>>

"Cassy?" Tom sat down carefully on the side of her hospital bed not wanting to jostle her unnecessarily, even though she was still asleep. "I know your head hurts and you don't want to wake up, but I need for you to wake up. We have a lot of things we need to talk about. A lot of things to clear up between us. Harry told me something, something that I've spent the last few hours thinking about. About you, me and us."

Cassy didn't stir.

Gently, Tom brushed back the hair from her face.

"I know you don't believe this. But I love you. I have a lot of things I need to do to make you believe that. I wasn't the best husband and maybe I haven't been the greatest friend. And everyone thinks I'm the easy one in this relationship. If you want to hear all of my humiliating stories you're going to have to wake up." Tom smiled at her, continuing his one-sided conversation.

"See, it's not just our partnership that needs you to wake up, we have a case to solve and you're the key here. We got the guy who ruined our visit to the doctor. He won't talk to Harry, but I know that once he looks at those baby blues and takes in that body he'll be a babbling mess like all our other collars. I love how you let everyone think I break the perps in questioning. So, if you're going to do that you have to wake up soon before you get all pregnant looking." Tom traced patterns on her palm.

"Baby?" Cassy's eyelids fluttered.

"The baby is fine. She has her mama's constitution apparently." Tom smiled down at the waking patient.

"Really?" Cassy's blue eyes filled with tears.

"Really." Tom smiled down at her. His hand cupped her cheek and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I hurt," she sighed and closed her eyes again.

"I know, no painkillers unless you really need them." Tom's velvety eyes looked at her tenderly.

"No, you should have let me sleep though," she teased.

"I love you Cassy," Tom repeated now that she was awake and he knew she could hear him.

Cassy's eyes opened and she looked at him intently for a few moments. "Thank you for being here," she said quietly.

"I don't belong anywhere else right now." he kissed her hand and stood up, silently thanking Harry for talking him to his senses. There had been a time or two during their marriage when Cassy had needed him and he hadn't been there because he was busy pursuing a case. Or because he had thought she hadn't needed him.His father had been right. It was time for him to grow up.

End Chapter 13


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Red laquered nails holding a 8X10 picture of a young, handsome Mexican man in a gilded frame.

A finger runs down the side of the face in the picture.

A tear drops onto the glass covering.

The hand tightens until the knuckles turn white.

The picture is dropped onto an unmade bed.

>>>>>>>  
Friday, May 28, 1999  
6:00 PM

"Cass?" Tom said quietly as he entered her hospital room. Despite the early evening hour the room was bathed in darkness and Cassy was curled up facing away from the door. If she was sleeping he didn't want to wake her, but Harry was forcing him to leave under guard and he wanted to say goodnight. As he got closer he saw the bandage on her left temple and his heart constricted. Gently he stroked back her hair and saw that her eyes were open.

"Cass?" he said again, concerned when she didn't respond to him. "I wanted to say goodnight. Harry is a bit freaked out after today and he wants me under lock and key until he finds out how many accomplices they guy the picked has. He should calm down by tomorrow and realize there probably is only the two you think you...heard."

Tom stopped as he realized that maybe bringing up that incident wasn't the best idea. He also began to wonder whether there was another accomplice, someone who carried out the Texas murder? They really didn't know. 'Would Cassy be safe here without me?'

"Don't come back."

"What?" Tom thought he misheard her whisper.

As he stood over her he saw her eyes close, but she didn't answer him. Concerned and frustrated he moved to the other side of the room so that he could look at her face. When she didn't open her eyes he kneeled down to her eye level.

"Why?" he asked her again.

When her blue eyes opened he barely bit back a gasp at the pain he saw in them.

"Stay away from me I'll just get you killed." Despite her effort at control he saw a tear slide down her cheek.

Tom's thumb caught the tear before it fell to her pillow. When she didn't flinch away as he had expected he spread his hand over her cheek. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you and our son," he vowed.

"I can't even protect our baby," her eyes closed and more tears slid down her cheeks, some of them wetting his hand.

"You had a bad dream." He wasn't going to leave her tonight. He was going to keep her and his baby safe from Cassy herself and the faceless predator that was out to harm them."I'll be right back," he whispered as if she hadn't told him not to return.

>>>>>>

"I want you safe, the guards can watch Cassy. We don't know if one or both of you were the target," Harry swore at him over the phone.

"I'm not leaving her." Tom didn't bother to engage Harry in a battle of logic.

"She's not going to be better off if they decide to come after you and she's in the line of fire or you get killed trying to protect her," Harry gave a last ditch effort at convincing his officer to leave the hospital. He knew he could have given an order, but he also knew that Tom would disobey it and where would they be then? He wouldn't have left Frannie's side in a similar situation and had been surprised when Ryan had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to leave earlier. He had been waiting for this call.

"Fine, I can't talk you out of it. Be careful. We've identified the driver as Paoulo Verne. Originally from Pensacola, Florida. Lastly from Abilene before Palm Beach from what we can tell. He has a record, which isn't too surprising. Assault, robbery, bar fights, nothing to indicate he's a hired killer, but definitely a thug. He's on parole and shouldn't be out of Texas. The Austin police are informing his parole officer and want to question him about their case," Harry changed the subject.

"Has he spoken yet?" Tom's fingers tightened around his cell phone.

"Not a word. We had to bring in counsel and get the system working. For attempted murder of four police officers and fleeing Texas while on parole the judge won't let him out. If he wants to see daylight either here or in Texas he's going to have to speak," Harry tried to soothe the angry copy.

Tom's face was a mask of frustration as he wished himself in two places at once. If he was there that son-of-a-bitch would be begging to speak!

"Tom!" Harry had clearly been trying to get his attention. "I asked you how Cassy is."

"Physically everything seems to be all right, other than severe bruising and the concussion. Emotionally...she's hanging on. She's blaming herself," Tom sighed.

"No surprise. I don't know that any of us would be sane right now," Harry's voice was grim. "I'm sending Frannie over in the morning to see her."

"Is that safe?" Tom asked.

"Under guard. I doubt anyone would mistake her for an old flame of Cassy's, if that's even the M.O.," Harry said.

"Why would anyone do this to her? I've run through our past cases and I can't think of anyone who would...unless what's going on here isn't related to Texas," Tom postulated.

"And the flowers were just from an admirer showing support?" Harry followed through with the thought. "I'll have some old case files pulled."

"Some? It's been a decade," Tom said with a touch of wonder in his voice. Intellectually he knew it had been ten years, give or take a few months, but just thinking about how high the pile of case folders would be on both of their desks made it real. 'We've made it together, for better and worse, for ten years. Why not forever?'

"Tom, are you still with me?" Harry sounded annoyed.

"Yeah, just trying to figure out how many of those reports Cassy finished because I wasn't doing it right." Tom's smile lit the room as he remembered different scenes with the same theme - Tom laboring over a report, Cassy sighing, pulling it from his hand and finishing it herself. Two halves of a whole.

"I'll talk with you tomorrow morning. Send Cassy my love. Help her through this Tom," Harry ordered tenderly.

"I will," Tom vowed as he shut off his phone and headed back towards Cassy's room.

>>>>>>  
Homicide Division  
Palm Beach PD

"I want to find out who this guy is working with. We need to cross check anyone this guy has been in contact with, old jobs and prison, with anyone in Palm Beach or connected with a case in this division for the past ten years, particularly cases where St. John was lead," Harry barked out orders to his team. Just hen Sterling came walking into the bullpen.

"Any match on those hairs?" Harry asked the Department's lead forensic specialist.

"There's a match with hairs found at the Jensen scene, but we don't have an identification. Nothing in CODIS and nothing in either ours our Austin's databases. Everything at Cassy's house confirms that there was just the two perps that she reported - a man and a woman and it seems to be the same at the Austin scene. Fingerprints might have been more helpful but they were either very careful or wearing gloves. The most we could discern from the DNA is that the woman is probably Mexican, the man European. Sorry I haven't found anything else. Nothing special about the cloth or the chloroform. No fibers under Cassy's fingernails." Sterling was just as frustrated as Harry looked.

"Gloves. They were too sloppy to have planned this well. Somehow this all ties to Texas. I'm still going to have their old case files checked, but this looks like it has something to do with Cassy and Texas. This Wilker was someone she met on a flight back from Texas, but it was Houston. Jensen was someone she knew back in high school in Del Rios. Texas again. Wilker's murder occurred after Cassy went to Texas," Harry was thinking out loud, trying to put the few pieces of the puzzle they had together.

"Sounds like Cassy is the key here and the only common denominator between the murders," Sterling pointed out the obvious.

"We've thought that from the beginning," Harry agreed. "I was wondering whether the flowers were a coincidence, but if they're not Cassy said something about Jensen giving her yellow lilies at their prom."

"A rejected date seeking revenge? Her competition for homecoming queen?" Sterling joked.

"You might be onto something," Harry was completely serious.

"Sounds like Cassy is the person you need to interview," Sterling commented.

"She is, but we can't tonight, she's in no shape for questioning," Harry sighed.

"Then maybe you should go home to your wife and get a good night's sleep," Sterling suggested to his haggard looking friend.

"Are you suggesting I need _beauty rest_ Morton?" Harry asked with raised eyebrows, it was an old joke between the long-time colleagues.

"Didn't think I was _suggesting_," Sterling shot back with a smile. "Tom and Cassy will be fine. I know it. And so will the baby."

"Don't tell me that's already making the rounds," Harry sighed.

"No, Tom told me earlier," Sterling assured him.

"Good. Those two have enough problems without having to worry about gossip and speculation," Harry said dryly.

"Amen," Sterling agreed.

>>>>>>>>  
Palm Beach Memorial Hospital  
9:30pm

Tom watched as Cassy slept. Finally. If she wasn't in too much pain to do so, he was sure she would have been tossing and turning for the past two hours. He certainly hadn't been fooled by her pretense at sleeping so that she could avoid talking to him that she had adopted once it became clear that he wasn't leaving even after she had eaten dinner as he had falsely promised at the time.

With a weary sigh Tom stood up and went into the waiting room, greeting Cassy's uniformed guard on his way out of her room. Pulling out his phone Tom confirmed that there was enough charge in it to last the night. Easing his sore body onto the vinyl couch he proceeded to dial.

"Hello?"

"Dad, it's me," Tom greeted his father.

"Tom! We've been trying to call you all day. How has your return to work been?" Lyam asked.

"Uh, well..." Tom paused trying to decide where to begin.

"Tom what's going on? Are people giving you a hard time about...things?" Lyam asked worriedly.

Tom took a moment to chuckle, he could hardly imagine worrying about that now.

"Tom, what's happening?" Lyam sounded more worried now.

"Sorry, I was trying to figure out just where to begin. I guess that's up to you. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" Tom asked.

"Last call was good news, let's hear the bad news first," Lyam's enthusiasm was obviously forced.

"Some people broke into Cassy's house Monday night and tried to, we're not sure what they were trying. Cassy's gun went off and they were scared away, but not before they knocked her out with chloroform and dumped her in her bed with a dead body," Tom revealed.

"Oh my God, is she all right?" Lyam was concerned.

"Physically she recovered fine from that. Emotionally...Do you remember I told you that she had found out that her high school boyfriend was killed after the hearing? It's connected and body in her bed was a man she had sat with on her flight back from Houston last week. Then someone tried to run off us the road today." Tom had promised his father full disclosure after the events in recent months, but he found it very uncomfortable.

"I presume you're all right..." Lyam tried to lead his son.

"I'm fine, sore, but fine. Cassy was a bit banged up, she's staying in the hospital tonight. If everything is all right she'll be out tomorrow afternoon."

"Send her and your mother's love. What's the good news?"

"Cassy's pregnant." Tom's face relaxed into a goofy grin.

There was silence at the other end.

"My baby, she's pregnant with my baby," Tom clarified with a laugh. For a moment he had forgotten he and Cassy weren't married anymore and weren't even an item!

"We're going to be grandparents? Congratulations! The baby is all right?" Lyam rattled off questions, much like his son had when he found out. "Tom, when did this happen?"

"Before Cassy left for Houston, it was a...something that happened," Tom said uncomfortably. He hadn't thought about the timing of all this. What were they going to tell their son?

"Tom, your mother is already planning the baby shower, so you'd better protect...the mother of your child." There was a moment of silence. "Tom, what are you and Cassy planning to do?"

"Things are a bit too crazy right now to make any definitive plans, but we're in this together though," Tom told him.

"Thank you for telling me everything."

Tom nodded and said his goodbyes.

End Chapter 14


	16. Chapter 15

**Their Own Silk Stalking  
By:Athena13**

  
Chapter 15  
  
Friday, May 28, 1999  
9:45 pm  
Palm Beach Memorial Hospital

Tom hung up the phone with his Dad and went back to Cassy's room. Standing just inside the doorway of the darkened room he stood watching her sleeping form on the bed. She was still curled up on her right side and facing away from the door. It had been so long since he had been privy to a sight like this. Not in a hospital room, of course, but Cassy sleeping and vulnerable to his study was something he hadn't seen since their divorce.

His eyes caressed her as they traveled from her blond hair down to her cloth covered feet, almost physically stroking everything in between. She carried his child inside her. He so much wanted to crawl into that bed, pull her against him and place his hand protectively over her stomach. To protect this miracle that would bind them together forever.

Keeping his steps quiet he walked around the bed and sat down to study her face. Her beautiful face. In repose she looked innocent and defenseless. He knew that she was feeling that way now, but Cassandra St. John was not someone he normally thought of as defenseless. Vulnerable, but with a skin of steel covering a heart of gold. Unable to stop himself he placed his hand down on the bed centimeters from her stomach.

He was startled when he felt Cassy's hand slide over his own. He looked over and found her blue eyes watching him.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered.

"Were you planning on getting any sleep?" she asked drowsily.

"No," he shrugged and turned his palm over so he could entwine his fingers with hers. "Feeling any better?"

"I'm sorry I told you to get lost," Cassy said, avoiding looking into his eyes.

"You're trying to deal with a lot. If it's any consolation I was flattered that you were trying to protect me," Tom squeezed her hand. "I'm here to help you too you know."

"If you want to help find me a pain killer that would be safe for the baby," Cassy groaned and futilely tried to shift and find a comfortable position on the bed.

"I know, I'm sorry," Tom looked pained himself.

"Stop apologizing," Cassy snapped.

"I'm..." Tom closed his eyes and a smile spread across his face.

"You never did tell me how you survived the accident," Cassy breezed over his verbal problem.

"Just a bit sore, have a headache," Tom shrugged.

"You should get some sleep," ran her eyes over him, confirming for herself that he was all right.

"Since it looks like neither of us are getting sleep any time soon how about we talk," Tom suggested.

"The only thing I want to talk about is nailing the scum that are doing this," Cassy accepted his hand and allowed him to help her into an upright position.

Tom considered it something of a victory, her accepting his assistance. For some reason, though, it made him feel obligated to discuss the "case" with her. "They got the guy who ran us off the road. His name is

Paoulo Verne and he's a parolee from Texas. He was in the Austin area when...Patrick was killed."

"Any motives found in that killing?" Cassy asked hopefully.

"Nothing, the only common connection in any of this is you and Texas," Tom sighed.

"I know. I just can't think of what. I left Texas after high school and other than visiting my grandmother while she was still alive I never went back. Maybe it's some deranged person really wanted to be prom king?" Cassy looked down at her hands.

"Harry and I batted that idea around. Can you think of anyone who would have hated you or Patrick that much?" he asked.

"The school was just large enough to have a football team so we all knew each other. We had our clicks and stuff, but we didn't exactly rumble like in _Grease_ or anything. No one really stands out in my mind. High school was pretty uneventful," Cassy continued to watch her fingers worrying the bed sheet.

"Except for..." she looked up a thoughtful and pained look on her face.

"Except for what?" Tom clasped her hands.

"Nothing, it can' t be related, it was so long ago," Cassy didn't look sure of herself. "Was there any other evidence?"

"There was a hair at your house that matches the scene in Austin. Morton and the Austin ME think it belongs to a Mexican woman," Tom knew that he had to give full disclosure before she would be comfortable telling him whatever was on her mind.

"Oh my God," Cassy closed her eyes, obviously pained somehow by his revelation.

"What is it Cassy, what happened?" Tom placed his hand gently on her bruised cheek.

"Diego, that's the only thing..." Cassy's blue eyes were filled with tears, again, as she opened them and looked at Tom. "I never told you about Diego."

Tom worried that all this distress couldn't be good for their baby. The sooner they resolved this the better. "Who is Diego Cass?" Tom pushed her hair behind her ear. Despite his worry and their situation, part of him couldn't help but feel elation that she was letting him touch him in this way.

"Diego was this boy. This beautiful, beautiful boy," Cassy's eyes were far away. "He rode this horse called Diablo. The Devil, I think that horse was, but when Diego touched him he was mastered. I don't know what he saw in a gawky fifteen year old, but he asked me to the movies one day after catching me watching him ride."

"He never showed up. I was heartbroken and angry for days. God, I was so selfish. He didn't show up because he was killed. They found his body over the border in Mexico. No one ever told me why or what happened," Cassy closed her eyes and shook her head. She couldn't believe she was still so affected by this.

"But you blame yourself?" Tom asked perceptively.

"There was talk about how he shouldn't be dating a "white woman," it was all so 1800's. I was warned by my grandmother and other people that bad things would happen. I...I never wanted to believe they meant anything other than that we would be too different from each other, but what if..." Cassy broke off.

"What if someone else believed the talk?" Tom said charitably, not bothering to state that what if it was true? They both knew horrible things happened. "A member of his family? A sister? What was his last name?"

"Martinez, Diego Martinez," Cassy told him and fell silent for a few moments. "If this is true then I did cause the death of those men."

"No! Absolutely not. I will not allow you to take on that burden. I won't lecture you until we know we're on the right track, but surely you're over analytical mind can see that you have no fault in this only unfortunate circumstance," Tom said insistently.

Cassy just sighed and shrugged, a movement that caused her to grimace.

Tom had almost forgotten she was also physically injured. Lord, how he just wanted to protect her. Lord, how she would shoot him for the sentiment. Still, he had a find a way to get her to rest and take her mind off her troubles.

"I told my parents about the baby," Tom changed the subject.

"You did?" Cassy looked startled, almost like she had forgotten about it.

"I did. They needed some good news after everything that's going on lately," Tom explained.

"So you consider this good news?" she looked at him with a guarded expression.

"Of course I do," Tom was shocked that she would think otherwise.

"I seem to be doubting a lot of things lately," Cassy admitted.

"I know you're going through a lot here and I know that things between us are unsettled, but never doubt how much I want this baby. How much I want _you_ to be the mother of my child. I always have," Tom assured her.

"I know I should be past what you said at Key Nuevo and I know that I'm the one who is putting off figuring out what we're going to do, but..." Cassy continued to talk, but Tom interrupted her.

"Cassandra. If I asked you to marry me, again, what would you say?" Tom asked.

"I..." Cassy opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"I understand you need time to think about it, but I thought it important for you to know how I feel now. What I want. I want for us to be a family. I think we've come a long way since five years ago. I truly believe we could make it work. You don't have to doubt me in all of this all right? I'm not going anywhere," Tom pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I don't want you to," Cassy reached up, as much as she was able, and held onto his neck. "Don't let them hurt you too," she whispered.

"I won't, not when I have all this to live for. I love you, I always have," Tom vowed.

"I love you too," Cassy said as tears fell down her cheeks.

End Chapter 15  
To Chapter16  
Back to Silkfic Index Page

©1999 Athena13


	17. Chapter 16

Adult-Warning -

Chapter 16  
>>>>>>>

"Aaargh!"

A glass hit the wall and shattered.

Anna Martinez kicked the smashed phone as she walked towards the deck windows. Paoulo was a in jail and there was no way he was going to be let out in time to complete their plan. Her plan.

Revenge.

Vendetta Paoulo called it.

Venganza she called it.

She wouldn't wait for him. She would enjoy doing these last bits herself. Then she would be free to live her life wherever and however she chose.

With barely suppressed glee she opened the bedside table and pulled out a gun. With loving fingers she stroked the barrel, almost feeling it hot and trembling after shooting its next targets. Closing her eyes Anna began to run the gun barrel along the silk covering her body. Her black hair streamed down her back as she rubbed the gun over the dark curls poorly concealed by her gown.

Oh how she missed Paoulo just then. He was such an animal lover both before and after a kill.

Holding the cold gun over her stomach she lay down on the bed and spread her legs. Slowly she ran her hand over her thigh, towards her throbbing center.

No. She didn't need Paoulo to finish any of this.

>>>>>>>  
Saturday, May 29, 1999  
8:23 am

Tom closed his eyes and held his face up to the shower spray.

It had been a long night. First he had refused to leave Cassy's after she tried to throw him out, then he had to practically fight to get her to let him leave this morning so that he could come home and shower and get back to finding out who was after them. And by default, their baby.

He had had to promise to wear a Kevlar vest and remain behind his armed guards at all times. His promises rankled, but he hadn't wanted to upset her. Not in her delicate condition. Despite her assurances that she felt fine, the fact that Doctor Sam and her own ob-gyn wanted her there for another night made Tom worry about the precariousness of the pregnancy. Especially in light of all the stress and strain Cassy had been under before and after getting pregnant.

That meant he had work to do. "So stop dawdling in the shower!" he reminded himself and set about finishing up.

A few minutes later, a towel wrapped around his hips he walked determinedly out of his bathroom and went to find the file that Harry had delivered to him earlier that morning. He remembered dropping it in the kitchen when he came in before rushing to call the hospital to check on Cassy before showering.

Tom had been both relieved and worried by what he had read. They were now sure that Paoulo and his partner were out for Cassy and it had something to do with Texas. Tom's information from Cassy seemed to lead toward Diego Martinez's murder, although that was merely because of a lack of other leads. Their best hope was that they got their suspect to talk before he made bail, if he made bail. The Austin police had made their request that he be held for return to Texas for parole violation and questioning.

"Hello Ryan," a feminine voice said from behind him.

"What?" Tom spun around to find a gun pointed at him. Held by an angry looking woman.

"Thomas Ryan, I've been looking forward to this for years," she spat out, her dark eyes flashing.

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure," Tom struggled to keep his cool.

"Anna Martinez," she said coldly as she motioned him towards the refrigerator.

"Diego's sister," Tom acknowledged.

"That's right. The man Cassandra St. John killed," Anna moved closer, the gun now only inches away from his chest. "Turn around and put your hands on the fridge."

"Don't tell me you're going to frisk me?" Tom joked as he complied.

"I just might. You have my boyfriend in jail you know," Anna pulled Tom's handcuffs off the kitchen counter, next to the file, and pressed the gun to his back. "Put these on," she handed him the cuffs.

"Why should I?" Tom didn't move.

"Because I have a gun pointed at your back. You're wife's gun and she would be very hurt if you were shot by her gun, wouldn't she?" Anna pointed out.

Silently, Tom put the cuffs on himself.

"Turn around. Well, maybe I should have a little fun with you before I kill you. I would have to make sure Sandy heard about it first," Anna trailed the gun down Tom's chest. She laughed when she saw his face harden, though he was trying to hide his reaction from her.

"Don't worry. You're a little too gringo for me. I like my men dark and passionate not happy and pretty. Go sit on the couch and I'll tell you what we're going to do here," Anna sneered at him.

"I'm all ears," Tom said when he was seated.

"Not quite," Anna looked down at his slipping towel and leered. "But first you're going to call your wife and tell her she needs to come here."

"She's in the hospital, they won't let her out," Tom informed her.

"If she wants out she'll get out. She's not too injured to leave, it's amazing what you can learn when you pretend to be family," she held a cordless phone out to him.

"I won't do it so you'll just have to shoot me now," Tom didn't lift his cuffed hands to take it.

"No! You will do what I say! I've waited too many years for this and you will not deny me my revenge!" Anna pulled the trigger.

Tom's face screwed up in agony as blood began to flow down his left arm. Irreverently, he couldn't help but think that now he would have a matching set of bullet wounds. If he lived.

"Make that call," Anna ordered him again.

"No!" Tom shouted through the haze of pain that surrounded him.

"Do it or I'll shoot you again, not to kill, just to wound," she threatened.

"Why are you doing this?" Tom lifted the phone from where she had dropped it in his lap.

"Because she is responsible for my brother's murder. If he hadn't fallen under that slut's spell...he knew better than to date one of _them_. Those rich gringos that ran that backwater town," she waved the gun wildly as she spit out her explanation.

"So you and your boyfriend killed Jensen..." Tom began.

"We did, but this isn't confession time so start dialing before you loose too much blood. If you pass out you'll have no hope of stopping me..."

"But I will," Harry Lipshitz announced his presence, holding a gun pointing at Ms. Martinez's head. Behind him stood two uniformed officers.

"Actually it was confession time," Tom said between gasping breaths.

The two officers disarmed the intruder while Harry knelt down to unlock Tom's cuffs.

"Let's get you to the hospital, I think I can arrange an interesting roommate," Harry pressed his handkerchief to Tom's wound.

"I think I'd rather be shot than roomed with Cassy right now. I promised to wear kevlar," Tom grimaced, both from the wounds and picturing Cassy's reaction.

"I don't think she intended you to wear it in the shower," Harry said.

"I wouldn't be too sure. Do you think I could get some clothes first? So was me getting shot part of the plan?" Tom asked.

"Are you kidding? Then we'd have Franny _and_ Cassy after our asses." Harry looked like he'd been shot.

>>>>>>

"His father had taken him and some cousins over the border to sell some used trucks, a practice that's illegal in Mexico, but is widely practiced since used vehicles are priced out of the hands of most citizens and farmers who need them. After the sales they went to visit some friends and there was a fight. It had nothing to do with you Cass. The mother blamed the father for getting their boy killed, he was smart boy, heading for college. The family broke up. Anna was only three years old. Over the years she heard various rumors and stories about what happened to her brother, including warnings to stay away from white boys in schools because trying to date one got her brother killed. She had a hard life and she was looking for someone to blame," Harry leaned back in the chair next to Cassy's hospital bed.

"So she killed Patrick and Brian Wilker because of me, or what they thought happened because of me. Pat because I dated him in high school and Brian because he was kind to me during a plane ride." Cassy's eyes were filled with tears she refused to let fall. She hated hormones.

"It's not your fault, that's what I'm trying to tell you. You are as much of a victim in this as those men." Harry took her hands in his. "You do this for a living. You know that sometimes there is just no explanation and no one to blame other than the killers. You can't control everything around you Cassy and the sooner you accept that the happier you will be. Fight the battles you can win or you need to fight. Don't waste your time and energy on those that don't matter."

"Thanks Harry. I'll...I'll try, but it's hard. And thank you for saving Tom. Where is he?"

"Right here," Tom made his presence known, having just entered the room.

Cassy eyed the sling on his arm before looking him in the eyes.Seeing the unspoken tension between his officers Harry stood and excused himself. Even after Harry left no words were spoken. Tom moved closer to Cassy's bed.

"It's over," he said quietly.

Cassy looked down at her hands as she tried to gain control over her warring emotions. "Where do we go from here?" she asked when she finally looked up at him.

End Chapter 16

1999


	18. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Saturday, June 5, 1999

"Why are you so sure that it will work this time?" Tom felt strange asking the question. Cassy was usually the one who entertained doubts, not himself. But this was another example of just how much their relationship had changed. He was accepting doubts and Cassy was turning the determination she had for everything else in her life towards their relationship. The realization made him smile even before he heard her answer.

"I'm a mature woman in my thirties who is about to have a child, not a twenty-something child who is enamored of her devastatingly handsome partner. A partner, I might add, who attracts every woman within a hundred yard radius wherever he goes." Cassy settled herself more securely in his embrace. The pair were sitting on _their_ new couch, some blood stains had required the old one's replacement. Cassy hadn't been too upset by that fact. In return, she had agreed to give up her living room furniture when they moved into the new place they were going to buy together. For now, though, their couch would reside at Tom's place.

"Devastatingly handsome? Hundred yard radius? All right, where is my Cassy and what did you do to her?" Tom looked down at her in surprise.

"Don't let it go to your head, you're going to have a daughter to worry about soon enough," Cassy sighed and closed her eyes, a satisfied grin on her face.

"Why are you so sure now?" Tom asked curiously as he stroked his hand along Cassy's stomach and hips.

"Because I'm laying in your arms after all of these years and all the things we've been through. All of the things I've done to you." Cassy's eyes opened, a far away look on her face.

"I love you," Tom said huskily, his lips pressing against her hair.

Cassy's eyes closed again and a sweet smile graced her face.

"I need to go get something," Tom began to extricate himself from his position behind her on the sofa.

"Now?" Cassy yawned. She had been about to doze off and she missed the comfort of his warm body.

"It'll just take a few minutes." Tom hopped off the couch as soon as she sat up. He rushed into his bedroom and returned, as promised, a minute later and knelt down in front of her. Cassy bit her lip and smiled.

"Cassandra St. John Ryan, will you marry me, again?"

The waning light of the sunset lit up tears in Cassy's blue eyes making them sparkle even more than the diamond he held out in front of her.

"Yes." Cassy laughed as Tom slid the ring onto the third finger of her left hand.

"Don't worry if there's a bit of sand in the setting, we can get it cleaned out," Tom said as he clasped her hand in his.

"Sand?" Cassy looked at the ring. "You found it? When?"

"After you left I spent all night on the beach along with some other guys from the Department. I was going to give it to you and ask you to come back, but you asked for the divorce and I...got pissed off," Tom admitted.

"But you kept it," Cassy observed, touched beyond belief.

"I always hoped Cassandra Lynn. I always hoped. You once said that hope sprung eternal for me, you were right." Tom stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"I have something to show you too." Cassy slid her hand into the handbag at the side of the couch. She pulled out a jewelers box and placed it in his hand.

Tom looked at her curiously before using both hands to open the box. He gasped as the light flashed over the two rings that were nestled in velvet.

"Never let it be said I don't have hope, Thomas Patrick Ryan," she whispered.

"I thought you sold these." Tom looked up at her. "I mean I knew you had mine, but I, I never let myself think about it."

"How did you know?" Cassy was bewildered.

"Surely you didn't think the nurses didn't find the ring when they changed the sheets," Tom teased her, referring to when she had slid the ring underh is pillow when he was in the hospital after being shot. "I was really touched Cass. I should have asked you then why..."

"Shhh." She put her finger over his lips. "We both should have done a lot of things. I don't want to dwell on the past anymore."

"You're sounding so optimistic," Tom teased. "You don't think it will be bad luck to use the same rings?"

"We're here now aren't we?"

Tom closed the box and slid it onto the coffee table.

"So when are you going to make an honest woman of me?" she asked.

"Wedding or eloping?" he asked.

"How about a wedding in Boston?" she suggested.

"Really? My mom would be in heaven!" Tom was surprised.

"Even with me as a daughter-in-law again?" she wondered.

"Cassy, she's been praying for this for years!" Tom assured her. "Bet she can pull it all together soon."

"It had better be soon or else you're going to have a cow for a bride." Cassy placed her hands over her still flat stomach.

"We'll just stick brown spots on the dress and no one will notice," Tom teased.

"That's not funny!" Cassy insisted.

"Oh, I think it is," Tom smiled sweetly before leaning in for a long kiss.

"No nookie before the wedding," Cassy said just a sweetly, if not a bit breathlessly, when he was done.

"Then it had better be soon. We'd better elope! How long can we, um, safely do that?" Tom asked.

"Oh yeah, forget that rule. New rule, do it as much as we can before we can't!" Cassy threw her arms around his neck. "That and dancing!"

"Oh no, I don't have anymore coats for Morton," Tom groaned.

"I'll be your teacher this time," Cassy promised.

"Oh, in that case." Tom waggled his eyebrows and lifted her in his arms. He quickly headed for the bedroom.

End of Story


End file.
